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Why a nude Jain monk in the Haryana assembly totally reiterates India’s awesomeness

It's hard to fathom that people actually want azaadi from India - the land where such magical things happen!

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Why a nude Jain monk in the Haryana assembly totally reiterates India’s awesomeness
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There are instances when the very idea of India with its thousand idiosyncrasies can take your breath away. Like the fact that we’re a 4000-year-old civilization (at the very least), whose memory we’ve forever tarnished with Hrithik Roshan’s bronzed act and Pooja Hegde’s accent.

Or that we can all unite to cheer on a flatfooted girl from a state we couldn’t point on a map as she tries to best Chinese, Russian and American gymnasts. Or that we can outrage because an actor-turned-DJ had the nerve to play songs from his own cult classic all-night long.

Or that we can call a naked monk to a state assembly where he proceeds to chastise a bachelor Chief Minister for not having a daughter, badmouths Pakistan, says those who don’t have daughters shouldn’t be lawmakers and gives marital tips to boot.

Anyway, let’s start from the beginning. Muni Tarunsagar, a Digambara monk, was invited to deliver his Kadve Vachan, (harsh truth, he has a series of books called Kadve Pravachan) at the Haryana Assembly by Education Minister Ram Bilas Sharma. A well-known leader of the Jain community, he also has an award named after him that was awarded to Baba Ramdev, Vijay Darda of Lokmat Patrika group and Jain International Trade Organization (JITO) by PM Modi in 2012. 

Source: narendramodi.in 

As a Digambar monk, he goes through life in the nude, carrying only a feather whisk, scriptures and a water gourd. His speech at the Haryana Assembly lasted for forty minutes as MLAs from every party, sat awestruck listening to him.  And it was speech which was illuminating to say the least. With some excellent tips to manage marital issues, he was quoted saying by Indian Express:

“The control of dharma over politics is essential. Dharma is the husband; politics is the wife. It is the duty of every husband to protect his wife. It is the duty of every wife to accept the discipline of her husband. If there is no control of dharma over politics, it will be like an elephant out of control.”

Now before some feminist goes bonkers on Twitter and starts a rant, let me say that he beautifully balanced out what at the onset seemed like a misogynist rant by commenting on the grave evil that is female foeticide, for which he has a fool-proof solution.

In all his infinite wisdom, the great guru believes that the best way to tackle it, is by denying anyone who doesn’t have a daughter to be ineligible to contest either Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha elections which would eliminate a lot of childless individuals like Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi (but sadly, not Arvind Kejriwal).  I mean why did we never think of that. Do you people realise that he just fixed one of our nation’s gravest evils by closing the door on anyone who can’t biologically produce female children?

He even took a dig at CM Khattar who is a bachelor saying: “Khattar sahib ko ismense bahar kar do (Khattar should be kept out of this)”, which means Khattar is probably the only person on the entire planet who can contemplate what Churchill felt when he said about Gandhi:

"It is alarming and also nauseating to see Mr. Gandhi, a seditious middle temple lawyer, now posing as a fakir of a type well known in the east, striding half-naked up the steps of the viceregal palace, while he is still organizing and conducting a defiant campaign of civil disobedience, to parley on equal terms with the representative of the king-emperor."

Modi and Cameron (Getty Images) 

In your face, you mass-murdering Churchill, you didn’t think we’d turn out so good did you? Well now our PM wears a suit with his own name on it and yours is forced to speak good things about him in broken Hindi but still gets his goose cooked because Brits don’t understand what they are voting for!

The Jain monk also asked for a ban on politicians who had criminal cases against them, and also had the most epic take-down of Pakistan of all time with the immortal lines that went: “If someone makes a mistake once he is ignorant, if someone makes a mistake twice he is innocent, if someone makes a mistake thrice he is the devil, and if someone makes a mistake repeatedly, that is Pakistan. And the one who forgives repeatedly is India.”

If you don’t think the last three lines are the most apt description of Pakistan ever, then you’re probably on the wrong side of the border. But jokes aside, imagine the resplendent nature of a culture where the circumstances are such that we’d call a religious guru, who is perfectly comfortable being nude, to a shrine of democracy, where he goes on to chastise a chief minister and drop some home truths about Pakistan. I mean where else in the world is this even remotely feasible. Can you believe that there are people who want azaadi from this awesomeness? 

I mean if this is not beautiful, if this doesn’t not make you swell up with pride, if this doesn’t bring a tear to your eyes, then perhaps you don’t deserve to live in a secular democracy like India and would be better off in the hellhole next door where they kill people over cartoons, torn books, utterances and twerking videos. And the cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is India is the fact that no one's going to get outraged by this and accuse me of hurting religious sentiments. Am I right or what? Jai Hind. Bharat mata ki jai.

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