When Puberty Strikes

It's that time in life, when girls begin to worry about that time of the month and boys, well they just worry the girls. Puberty is a wonderful beginning to adulthood—or depending on how you see it. It's that time when you become more conscious about yourself and all the changes you're going through—emotional, physical and hormonal, and a time for a truck-load of questions.

Family Matters

Rashna Sanjana and her husband did not wait until their daughter reached puberty to discuss it with her."Being working parents, Sanaea spent most part of the day in a crèche or with a babysitter. So, at a very young age, we taught her how to differentiate between good and bad touch. Before her Navjot, (the Parsi thread ceremony of initiating the young into the fold), we started telling her about the changes she would go through at puberty, so that she wouldn't be taken aback when it happened," shares Rashna. Even though Sanaea's school had an audio-visual session and counsellors available to talk to, puberty has always been an on-going discussion in the Sanjana household, and Sanaea knows that she can always clarify her doubts with her parents.

Mother of two teenage girls and one teenage boy, Dr Leela Francisco, who has conducted sessions in schools, tells us that it's "important to use the correct terms. You're talking about fertility and bearing a child, a human function and by using slang, you degrade it. When talking to her son, apart from telling him about hair growth and his voice changing, Dr Leela brought up other issues too. "I've seen several broken relationships and marriages destroyed because of pornography and I felt it was important to discuss it with him. I explained to him the consequences and the way it might change his perception about women", says the doctor. "I want all three to make right informed choices."

But it wasn't the same for 16-year-old Kushal Shah, who tells us he is happy that his parents hadn't discussed the subject with him, because, "it's awkward when parents talk about sex education. We learnt about it—the age at which you go through puberty, hair growth, voice and body changes and the use of condoms—in class 10 at school". Although boys and girls had separate sessions, the boys voiced their puberty-related questions about periods and girls by passing chits to their sir.

Questions Galore

"Hitting puberty was an embarrassing stage; I thought something was wrong with me, until my mother explained that it was normal," recalls 18-year-old Vidhi Dujodwala. "Even though I have an older sister, I was blissfully unaware about puberty and all that came with it," she shares. Of course, Vidhi like any other youngster had plenty of questions for her mum: Why do I have to go through this? Why every month? Why can't I go swimming? Do I have to wear a bra; it's so uncomfortable!

That's just what 13-year-old Tanish Shah did too, when he studied a chapter on adolescence last year and had several questions for his mother, Anjali, about menstruation—do you also get periods? Every month? Since when? Does it happen to all girls? How long does it last for in a month?While Anjali Shah answered them all at the time and encouraged him to turn to her (instead of misinformed friends), whenever he had doubts, Anjali had her own worries,"I was afraid; what if I told him too much or he began asking too many questions? Maybe he would be more comfortable speaking with his father," she shares.When she tried speaking to him about a girl's body changes, though, Tanish avoided the topic.

Whether it's talking to your parents, tummy cramps or a squeaky voice, you're only a teenager once! So enjoy it while it lasts!

COUNSELLORS ADVICE

• Talk to your child—about menstruation, erections, nightfall, growing abeard—way before he/she begins to experiment with his/her body, before the brain is filled with information from unreliable sources and body parts become slang.
   
• Create a comfortable atmosphere for your teen. Use news events or ads for sanitary napkins, if you're not sure where to start. Introduce your teen to documentaries and literature. Have conversations; do not preach.
   
• Begin by talking about the bigger physical changes and move on to other areas—attraction, love, relationships, smoking, drinking, alcohol, which are all associated.
   
• Puberty is an on-going discussion. Encourage them to ask questionsas they grow and begin to explore.
   
• Speak to them about body image, self esteem, hormonal changes and PMS. Puberty is the time when teens build their self-esteem.

Inputs from Sonali Gupta, Clinical Psychologist and Pooja Jain, Counselling Psychologist and Play Therapy Practitioner