Sex therapist says Australian men struggle with rejection in bedroom

A sex therapist has said that Australian men are struggling with rejection in the bedroom.

Bettina Arndt said women, who cook and clean for their men, might be better off giving them what they really want - sex.

Arndt, who is coming to Byron Bay and Brisbane for a series of relationship talks, said many women would rather eat chocolates, get a good night's sleep, read a good book "or read any book" than have sex.

"Women are shutting up shop. They work so hard to please their partners by keeping a beautiful house and cooking nice meals and so on, when a 10-minute bonk might be a better option every now and then," the Courier Mail quoted her as saying.

Arndt interviewed 150 men for a new book, 'What Men Want In Bed', and found many of them were locked in a "heroic" emotional struggle over their love for their partners and their inability to get enough or, in some cases, any sex.

"A lot of men talk about the fact they do find it difficult to be constantly rejected," she said.

"One man I interviewed has gone for 20 years without sex in his marriage but continues to be an absolutely faithful and loving husband.

"He desperately wants sex but doesn't want to have affairs or visit prostitutes. It's a pretty heroic struggle and many men remain stoic about it," she revealed.

She said she was "certainly not" advocating women give sex on demand.

"I'm not saying they should just lie there and think of England," she said.

"But mismatched desire is one of the biggest problems in relationships and it's something couples have to talk about and work through.

"Most of us don't want to live with our room-mate or sister - intimacy is what makes relationships unique," she added.