What I learnt from watching ‘Mom’

I watched Mom, in which Devki Sabarwal (Sridevi) avenges the gang rape of her step-daughter, 18-year-old Arya (Sajal Ali). When the doctors inform Devki that Arya was gang raped, she  shrivels up, one hand inching towards her crotch while the other clutches her stomach trying to hold in the nausea.

As I was watching the inconsolable mother on screen, a middle-aged woman next to me said, “Baccho ki thodi si laparwahi ki wajah se...”. I winced. Perhaps she empathised with Devki, but I wanted to tell her that girls aren’t raped because they are ‘careless’.

Arya is a ‘bratty teenager’. She rejects Devki, her step mother;  flatters her father when she wants an expensive mobile phone; and throws a tantrum till she’s allowed to go for the fated Valentine’s Day party. If she was a ‘Rahul’, she would have been lovable.

But Arya is ‘one of those girls’. After all, ‘good girls’ listen to their parents and don’t go to farmhouse parties. Add to that, Arya drinks and dances freely. You can see why aunty thought this is what attracts the attention of Arya’s classmate, Mohit (Adarsh Gaurav).

If only aunty had paid attention to the red flags of sexual violence. In the opening scene, Mohit sends Arya a porn clip in class. Later, the topic doesn’t come up with her parents. It was perhaps not important for the script, but such conversations are rarely broached in off-screen families either. Dr Nivedita Chalill, counsellor and arts based therapist, says, “Recognising such red flags is an ongoing effort that includes gender sensitisation and becoming aware of the culture which allows for sexual harassment.”

One would argue that Arya should’ve made her discomfort known. But Dr Chalill explains, “A traumatised person may not be able to share it immediately because of fear, shame or shock.”

At the party, Arya publicly rejects Mohit’s advances. Then his friend, Charles (Vikas Varma), asks him to watch and learn. Arya rejects him too. Deciding that she must be taught a lesson, the group abduct and rape her.

Unwanted sexual attention is not unknown to women. If Arya’s cautious rejection of her serial harasser makes him violent, why is Arya responsible? Again, if Arya was a Rahul, receiving attention would have made him “cool” but Arya, in her red dress and high heels, is “responsible” for receiving attention.

Such judgments stem from the listener’s biases, says Dr Chalill. “If I’m ashamed of what has happened to my daughter, I will perhaps not address the issue and instead curtail her freedom.” Dr Chalill stresses “the listener’s responsibility”. She suggests that “you stay aware of your own biases that may arise during the conversation.” Most importantly, “avoid blaming the person and seek professional help if necessary.”