Bringing up children in a changing world

In the day and age of terrorism, parents must tread carefully when explaining the new world to their kids. The key is understanding the problem and avoid stereotyping races

Six-year-old Joshua Crasto loves watching Batman and Tom and Jerry on TV. One day, while channel surfing, he comes across images of a bomb-wrecked train with injured and dead bodies. Unable to understand what was going on, he approached his mother: "Mummy, what happened to that train?" His mother was in a fix. And with the recent spate of blasts that have rocked the nation, this is an issue most parents are now faced with, one that parenting books in India have yet to tackle: How do you explain terrorism and bombs to your child?

The media coverage of the recent bomb blasts ensured that everyone — of all ages — was made aware of these acts of terrorism. But deconstructing news for a seven-year-old calls for a different approach, one that newspapers and television channels catering to a largely adult market, do not take into consideration.

Brisco L, a father of three daughters, recalls how he tackled his daughters' questions and fears following the 9/11 blasts. "My seven-year-old wanted to know why the plane crashed into the building. I told her do not worry; that this will all be history for you one day." He confessed he did not want to broach the subject, as she was too young at the time.

Zainab R Shaikh, mother to seven-year-old Zeeshan faced a similar problem after the train blasts that took place in Mumbai in 2006. She says, "After the blasts, Zeeshan was afraid of travelling by train. I explained to him that what happened was an accident." She, too, admits that she was loathe to broach the topic of terrorism and death. "We do not watch news on television when he is around," says Zainab.

Parents aside, children spend a lot of time in school. It is but natural that they discuss such topics with their teachers. Sister Ambrose, head of St Agnes Primary School feels that it is up to the teachers to handle such a situation.

In addition, she thinks that this topic needs to be dealt with at the high school level. "Primary children are too young. They will not understand what we tell them, nor will it register in their minds."

She advocates just answering whatever questions they may have and leaving it at that. This way, you do not instill unnecessary fear into the child. The last thing you want is your child to think that every stranger is a terrorist.

"As adults, we are worried, but there is no sense in worrying our children too, not at this age," is Neha Walia's stand on the issue. Her daughter, Simran, 8, has a vague idea about terrorism, but nothing detailed. "She is told about it in school. We have never deliberately approached the subject." She confesses to not knowing how to talk about it if asked.

Rhea Tembhekar, a clinical psychologist at Coffee Counselling Centre, is of the belief that while it is necessary to answer the questions a child asks, there is no need to go into too much detail.

"Children of that age are more afraid of aliens, the dark, ghosts, family fights, et al rather than bomb blasts and terrorists. They are not aware that what is happening around them could affect them personally. Answers to 'What is a terrorist?' could be: "A terrorist is somebody who tries to kill people or to blow up buildings in order to get attention".

So what's the verdict? Panic and fear is the last thing a parent wants to instill in a child but disregarding the topic or going too much in depth are not the best ways to deal with such issues. And while we can't ignore the fact that terror can strike anywhere, any time, experts suggest that the answers be brief and to-the-point.
l_joanna@dnaindia.net