LGBTQIA+ community about overcoming their fears and letting themselves out to the big world.
Have you ever felt like something is bothering you and you just want to let it all out? I’m pretty sure that’s happened with everyone at some point in their life. For me, it happened when I was beginning to come to terms with reality and ‘come out’ with something I had been hiding from the whole world. I remember sitting in my room and crying, asking myself repeatedly ‘who am I?’ There was a nagging guilt that I was trying to be what others wanted me to be.
I have always wanted to wear make up, glam up myself and be attractive to other guys. The problem was, I am a guy myself. But I had the feeling of being a girl since I was born. I kept questioning myself about what my ‘real’ gender is. At the time, LGBTQIA+ was not a topic most people embraced. Everyone around me believed there were only two genders – male and female. So what was I? A person with a girl’s mind, big buff body and a low tone voice?
It felt intimidating to accept myself for who I am. The guilt bothered me until the day I decided to step forward and let the world see me for who I am. Around 16 or 17, I started wearing make up, put sponges on my chest, grew my hair and did other things that any other girl would. I have to admit, when I dressed up the way I wanted to, it made me feel and look glamorous and pretty.
However, my parents asked me to get rid of my fake breasts, cut my hair and behave like boys. I refused to comply because I told them I didn’t like behaving like a boy. Arguments with them made me feel like committing suicide. A part of me didn’t feel like it belonged to this ugly and discriminative world. I told myself to be strong and have confidence in myself, and that I would eventually have people around me who love me for who I am.
That’s when I decided to change the crisis into an opportunity for myself. I studied hard and scored good grades to prove myself. I gave my parents all the love and loyalty that is expected out of children, despite being ‘different’.
But being transgender was making me feel different, and after a point I felt like it was not something I wanted to be any more. I gave myself a makeover at 18. From being one of the hot girls in school, I turned into a gay guy. I felt insecure in my new look and was unsure whether my friends and peers would welcome the change. Some people teased me and said I should go back to being a girl. I refused to listen to any of the comments or let them bother me, and decided to be who I am. My girl self made me mentally strong and now I can control my mind to handle situations unlike before.
The best way to come out is to be who you are and at the same time impress your loved ones. I have spoken to many from the LGBTQIA+ community about overcoming their fears and letting themselves out to the big world. I understand how hard and intimidating it can be to come out, but once they do then can embrace their freedom. It is one of the best feelings. I would advice those who are out of the closet to now take their freedom for granted.
Think of it like watering a tree because as it grows bigger, you get to explore its fruits that are like successes.
The writer is a 19-year-old who lives in Bengaluru and Bangkok
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