World UFO Day: When India invited Jadoo for a jhappi!

Characters in this article bear heavy resemblance with the living and not dead, but the situations are a figment of the writer’s imagination who, when not laughing at his computer screen and making canteen runs, writes sports articles   

India, at present, is facing strife from all quarters. Uttarakhand floods have marooned lakhs, claimed an unknown many. A skyrocketing rupee has businesspersons dabbing their foreheads, while a hard-earned buck of the common man isn’t worth more than a dime.

Clearly, India is feeling blue. And when in times of trouble, we look skywards…
and help is coming from skywards! And it’s blue in colour!

Jadoo, of Rakesh Roshan’s ‘Koi Mil Gaya’ fame, has accepted Government of India’s invitation to come to earth to celebrate World UFO Day. The prime minister’s office and external affairs ministry has been working round-the-clock, with barely a breath in between, for two weeks now to welcome the extra-terrestrial guest, who is slated to be here… today!

And what better place than New Delhi for Jadoo to start his earthly sojourn. It’s the seat of power, a hotbed of history and politics and Pg3 glamour too! The Indira Gandhi International Airport, moreover, is just the right fit for the ginormous flying saucer that will bring our alien friend here… Jadoo’s jaadui touch (or psychokinetic abilities) transformed a differently-abled Hrithik into a macho, intelligent man – sleeve-ripping muscles all inclusive. Will his divine
touch fulfil our dreams, too?

The day is here. IGI is already teeming with people, two hours before Jadoo’s scheduled arrival; we are branded perennially late, aren’t we? Or is it the opportunist in us that is on show here?

Leading the Nation to welcome Jadoo is PM Manmohan Singh, accompanied by his ageing cabinet. He has anti-glare glasses on to protect from the UV Rays emanating from the saucer, but a tiny blizzard that the UFO will create is sure to impact that blue turban. Sonia Gandhi is here too, as usual, next to our effective prime minister – overshadowing him, as usual. She is draped in the tricolour (not green, white and red, mind you) to sashay in her patriotism.

And then there are dignitaries, babus and celebrities – droning on as excitedly as a swarm of bees. They have their own murmur, a wishlist and set agendas that they want Jadoo to aid.

Sonia Gandhi is here for her son, with a wish that Jadoo transmogrifies Rahul baba into a crafty politician. All those nutritious, free lunches at dalit homes haven’t borne fruit, it seems. She hopes for a bahu, too; for baba has failed to woo one. If he can’t impress one (those impressive dimples haven’t worked their charm), how will he guarantee women votes for the grand-old party next year? A dinner for Jadoo at 10, Janpath is on the cards, too.

7, Race Course Road, meanwhile, is determined to spoil everyone’s party. PM Singh has directed his sitting-idle IB and CBI, who have been squabbling like wee kids recently, to keep a watch on the alien and whisk him to prime minister’s office. Mr Singh, perhaps, sees Jadoo as the ideal ingredient to cook him a third term in the most-coveted office of the country.

How can Gujarat CM Narendra Modi be far behind, when so many political ambitions are attempting flight? He too is here, clad in atypical blue jeans and a shirt, hailing Jadoo as a Gujarati! The blue alien, he says, is brother of Team India’s blue-eyed boy from Jamnagar, Ravindra Jadeja alias Jaddu.

Get past the front row hogged by politicians, one sees Rajinikanth and Sachin Tendulkar clamouring for attention. They, it seems, are here for longevity. The South Indian Superstar yearns to feature in movies with actresses a quarter of his age, while Tendulkar dreams of playing a Test innings with his son as he tries to get past the ‘two glam dolls’. Age is creeping in on these men, but Jadoo possesses the elixir of life. Amitabh Bachchan towers above them all and expects Jadoo to get his son’s flailing career on its feet…

A burqa-clad woman, strangely, seems oblivious of this melee, but she is clued in. A closer look gives ‘her’ away. The ‘she’, in fact, is Dawood Ibrahim, fancying his chances of featuring as himself in one of the many movies about him. “Don ka intezaar gyaarah mulko ki police kar rahi hai… don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi, namumkin hai,” is his silent utterance beneath the veil. An Al Pacino-ish ‘Scarface’ is what he would like to be remembered as, apart from all that underworld infamy.

The environmentalists, who are barely a few feet away from him, do not notice the man. They are more concerned about inviting Jadoo for a seminar on ‘importance of solar energy’ at Jantar Mantar. The enthusiastic activists break the barricade, breached the security and are almost on the runway!

But they are blown away! The flying saucer, which, so far, was on the horizon, has the crowd in its shadow. The ground’s shaking, and an ear-busting thunder hurtles everyone out of their reverie. Manmohan Singh barely manages to hold on to his pagdi…   Silence. The craft’s now on terra firma. A cone of light flickers, but out comes none. There is no Jadoo. The story for the scores in waiting has no magical end. They are inconsolable, their dreams shattered.

The common man, who stands in the distance, isn’t amused. No magic wand can rid him of his troubles. He strives to make both ends meet, and thankful that his family sleeps well at night.

He walks away, thanking his fortunes. What if all those celebrity wishes had come true?