Sitting in the aisle seat of an aircraft when people are boarding, is a sure shot way of getting your face pummelled by different brands of back packs and hand baggage belonging to those who claim their seats later than and behind you. It is not as if your co-passengers are settling a personal score. They are not even aware that they are causing discomfort to those around them.
We experience this insensitivity all around us – in a cinema hall where the back of the chair is inadvertently kicked not once but many times just as the climax unfolds; or in a supermarket where people are standing patiently in queue to get their vegetables weighed. Some of us believe that fewer vegetables picked up gives us the right to stand ahead of those already waiting.
Why are we so socially insensitive? Why are we so oblivious to other people’s discomfort? We never ask ourselves what the person might have felt as a result of what we did. To begin with we must be aware of what we have done in the first place. Right from childhood, the focus is on developing the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) and the Emotional Quotient (EQ) of the person. The most important and the most ignored quotient is the Social Quotient (SQ).
Beyond IQ, which we all know, is EQ. Emotional intelligence is awareness of one’s emotions and moods and those of others, especially in managing people. But in today’s socially connected world, there is an important aspect of the child’s development which goes beyond managing complex relationships, to be aware of one’s social responsibilities and to bring up a child with values that not only help her/him to grow up as an intelligent and caring human being but also as a responsible citizen.
Fresh out of a baby-mom research, I felt that a new mother intuitively behaves as though she has borne and brought up kids before. A new mother, just 23 years old, patiently answered all my questions, even as her three-month-old slobbered the just-consumed milk all over her. She handled the mess deftly, while holding the restless bundle, and still gave me clear and well articulated answers. I met mothers who had infants just two months old and those who had kids two years old. The focus of each mother was to feed her baby right, pamper her, talk to her, teach her words and play with her. A happy baby means a successful mother.
Most of us know that the maximum brain development of a baby happens in the first two years. Babies may not understand the conversations we have, but they have a keen sense of observation – babies observe emotions, they recognize faces and voices, they relate to scents, they observe our body language, they observe relationship dynamics between the two parents and how they behave with members of the society outside the realm of the family. This keen observation moulds their SQ. Social Quotient is understanding and relating to the concept beyond social intelligence, which is the relationship of every man with society, accepting the reality that society is an equal stakeholder in our lives and in our work.
Most mothers focus on developing the IQ and EQ of the child by getting scientific toys and games especially designed to aid the brain development of the baby. But when it comes to teaching them ways of handling strangers in a societal context, there is a whole list of not-to-dos than dos. So kids are taught ‘not to talk to strangers’ rather than ‘how to recognize a good stranger from a bad one’. That is why some parents, who have a fear of animals, tell their children to stay a mile away from a dog, assuming that all dogs are harmful and are out to bite humans. The approach should be positive not preventive.
The Family and Youth Services Bureau, Washington, found out in one of its studies that individuals who developed life skills in a positive, rather than preventive manner, feel a greater sense of competence, usefulness, power and belonging. Let us not be socially so blind or handicapped that we get perceived as insensitive. Let the first lesson in Social Quotient begin when a mother is born.
Perhaps, each one of us has witnessed the low SQ of people and we may have inadvertently displayed this ourselves some time. Do you recall any instance?
shalini.rawla@gmail.com
(The writer is managing consultant of The Key Consumer Diagnostics Pvt Ltd, a Mumbai-based qualitative research company)
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