Mars and Venus in the bedroom

Women
Men think it’s not easy to make a woman happy in bed and one must admit they are right. Though women have as many intimate desires as sexual as the men, their needs are slightly different. And that makes the man-woman relationship the most interesting thing in the world.

Psychologist Varkha Chulani says that for both men and women sex starts in the mind, and men sometimes fail to understand that. “For a woman this is more emotionally driven and they need to connect with the man to enjoy intimacy with him,” she says. Emotions over-ride intimacy in bed. If a woman is unhappy with you, insecure or doesn’t connect with you, she may not be able to be intimate.

Some women think that the basic mindset that men have about women’s sexuality is sometimes wrong. Times are changing and women are more open to making the first move when it comes to intimacy, but she loves to see a confident man who is ready to lead the woman.

“Most women may just find it easier to get intimate when the guy makes the first move. It may not be true about all women though. Some women are open to taking the first step,” says media person Aarti Iyer.

They want their men to understand that foreplay is as or more important than the ‘act’ of intimacy itself. “Women often take time to get turned on. They need to be completely comfortable,” says management trainee Shruti Shah.

Women don’t like it when men don’t take interest in her pleasure. “It’s a great put off,” admits Shruti.

Men, you may think that women like men talking to them while making out, but use no generic stuff like ‘you are so sexy’ or ‘you are so hot’ because your gal may think you’ve said that to 100 girls! Instead, use personalised talk like ‘I like your cheek bones’ or ‘love the way you look in this light’.

It’s not all done for women post being intimate. While most men might want to fall asleep after sex (doctors say it’s hormonal), women  like to cuddle and spend some time talking and bonding. “It helps them to relax and feel secure,” says Chulani.

Men
Most women think that men are only interested in sex and nothing more. However, it may not be true.

Though different guys like different things, but most guys just want to feel great with a girl and be able to make you feel great with them. One may say men believe a lot in equality in bed, and every thing is an equal give and take.

Woman too may think that emotions are not so important for men when it comes to intimacy. That may not necessarily be true.

Amit Shukla, a diamond trader, says, “It’s true that men give more importance to the physical appearance of a woman initially and later move on to what kind of a person she is. But eventually for men, emotions and intimacy mean the same thing.

Men find it difficult to get turned on by the appearance of a woman if they do not have a very good emotional connect.” It doesn’t matter who makes the first move, but usually it’s a surprise and a turn on if the woman is doing it. “Men can always show enthusiasm to learn about what makes their woman happy.”

Thus, they are open to experimenting anything. But on the other hand they also expect the woman to reciprocate.

It is not solely the man’s responsibility to do everything in the act. Women who are passive and do not want to explore after the act, is a turn-off straight away.

“We feel great if women want to explore what satisfies us best,” says Rohit Varma, a marketing professional.

Men are physical by nature and they would probably be unable to deal with it if they do not get emotional warmth and physical intimacy together.

Satish Bhandari, an adman, says, “I like cuddling up to my girlfriend after becoming intimate. It feels warm to spend time in each other’s arms and then go off to sleep together.”