Women take the lead in asking for divorce

Majority of divorce cases filed in city court have been initiated by women who are opting out of bad marriages

MUMBAI: In a break with tradition, urban Indian women have begun to take the initiative to get out of unhappy marriages. Statistics from Mumbai’s Family Court reveal a startling figure — since January 2007, almost 55 per cent of all cases of divorce have been filed by women. That includes more than half of the 4,134 divorces in 2007 and 1,152 divorces till March 31 this year. “Just five years back, a woman filing for divorce used to be a one-off case,” says advocate Shashank Thatte.

Traditionally, women in India had shied away from divorce either because they were dependent on their husbands or due to the social stigma attached to it. But many of them today are no longer willing to put up with abuse, adultery, or even incompatibility, says Flavia Agnes, co-ordinator of the women’s group Majlis.

Sociologist Nandini Sardesai says the trend is more marked among the middle and upper-middle classes, particularly in metros like Mumbai and Delhi, rather than in smaller cities like Nashik and Nagpur where divorce is still largely a taboo. “Young people with successful careers especially will stand for no nonsense.”

Mira, a nutritionist in Mumbai, decided to end her marriage when her husband imposed one restriction after another. “Why should someone else control my life? I didn’t want to just sit around,” she says. 

Financial independence and education are empowering factors.

“These are women who hold responsible positions in well-paying jobs,” says advocate Anees Kazi. “They are aware of their rights, don’t need the husband’s money and will stand for no nonsense in the marriage.”

But breaking free comes with its own set of problems, because social attitudes have not kept pace with the changes happening in society. “The values have still not changed, so a woman filing for divorce has to deal with apprehension from society,” says Sardesai. “Aspersions are still cast on her character, people are reluctant to rent out apartments to divorced women and she also has to deal with unsolicited male attention at the workplace and outside,” Sardesai adds.

But women are going ahead with divorces despite these hurdles. Lawyers say many of them are no longer deterred by the financial and emotional burden of lengthy court proceedings. “Initially they fight for alimony and a share in the property, but when the case becomes a long-drawn process, they even give up their claims and settle for less,” says advocate Sudhir Shah.

Mira, for instance, chose to walk away without a fight. “When alimony becomes a big goal, one can really take an emotional beating. I didn’t marry for rights and money, so why should I claim those when my marriage ends?” she asks, adding that her quick and clean divorce gave her peace of mind and also helped her daughters in dealing with their parents’ separation.

Children complicate the situation immensely, because custody battles can be traumatic for parents as well as kids. “One of the reasons people get divorced in the first few years of marriage is because there are no children to think about,” points out Nalini Sardesai.

But Mira says her divorce would also create a better environment at home for her two daughters. “Kids are happier when they’re living with a happy single parent rather than with parents who constantly fight.”