I've made up my mind to end this life

The one meal a day that Yashodhabai Palve and her family had been surviving on for the last four months seems like a luxury now. The Kegad residents are reduced to skipping days between meals, and Palve has decided to end her life as soon as the provisions end. She says its a better option than starving to death.

Kegad is a small hamlet in Paithan tehsil of Aurangadbad district, 500 km from Mumbai. Palve lost her husband Nanasaheb, 40 at the time, three years ago. The responsibility of the entire family – mother-in-law, grand-mother-in-law and two daughters aged 8 and 6 – fell on the 35-year-old widow's shoulders.

"We had submitted a proposal to the government to dig a well. Meanwhile, we spent a lot of our own money to dig the well, assuming that we will get the money from the government later. We wanted the well so that we could irrigate our field. Our proposal was rejected because my husband couldn't grease the palms of the officials. Then he fell ill but we had no money to take him to the hospital. I miss him very much," laments Palve.

This year, she did not sow anything on her two-acre piece of land, as there was no money to buy seed. Last year, Palve had spent Rs 20,000 on sowing cotton, but the rain failed and the field produced only one quintal of cotton. It was sold for Rs 3,000.

"People are migrating to nearby cities in search of livelihood. But how can I go alone? What will the society think? I am not even educated. Most people in our community used to get hired for cutting sugarcane. But this year, the factories are not hiring labourers because there is no sugarcane supply. Each day is painful," says Palve, who walks seven km to pluck cotton at another farmer's field. She adds, "We get Rs 100 per day as wage for plucking cotton. But sometimes we have to wait 10-15 days to get work for a day."

To add to the misery of the family, a wall of their mud and brick house collapsed recently. "Now the roof can collapse any time. "We go to a neighbour's house to sleep at night. I feel ashamed and humiliated. My mother-in-law and grand-mother-in-law sleep in the damaged house only, saying they are ready to die in their own house," says Palve.

She says relatives do promise to help out but they themselves are struggling to make ends meet. "We had opened a bank account four years ago, under the well scheme. But it doesn't have any money. The government officials say we should get crop insurance. If we don't have money to buy food, how can we buy insurance? There are so many schemes to help the poor but somehow none of them fits us. Whenever we apply, the officials ask us to bring this or that document and then reject the application," rues Palve.

She says her daughter is sick and had wanted to eat a biscuit in the morning. "I did not have even Rs 2 to give to her. I have made up my mind to end this life. It is better to die than to live in such humiliation," she says.