It’s a question you face when your close friend undergoes a bad break up as you wonder how to deal with your friend’s ex…
Till just a while ago, this guy/girl (now ex) was a regular hang-out buddy, and was by default included in all your plans and party scenes. But things are no longer the same. Your friend has had a break up and is cold warring with the ex, and expects you too to be rubbing cold shoulders with the ‘ex’. While you may not find it incumbent upon yourself to be a part of this cold treatment, your friend expects you to prove your loyalties. Well, this can be a pretty tricky situation.
“Believe me, it’s been a testing situation for me all the time,” says Purvi, a 23-year-old working professional. “My friend has many exes, and I’ve stopped trying to make friends with her ‘guys’ now. I made good friends with this one guy she was seeing for a while and when she called it quits, I didn’t know how to react. Though I’d have loved to be friends with him (ex), I cannot. I’m sure in his head he would think that I might have supported/prompted the break up — as it wasn’t a mutual one.”
However, keeping in touch with your friend’s ex could get you in a mess at times. Says Apoorna Pant, 26, “I ran into my friend’s ex at a restaurant, and he just invited me for his birthday party, which was on the next day. In all innocence, I went for the party and the next day I get a call from my friend who was out of the country. ‘You’ve been partying with my ex and his present girlfriend,’ she screeched. Strangely, I was made to feel guilty for hanging out with a guy she broke up with three years ago.”
“You have to decide who means more to you and stick with that person, playing a balancing act,” feels Sharikh Shah, 23. “But if your friend’s ex is really hot, there’s no harm in taking a shot at it. Yes, there are unsaid rules in not hooking with your friend’s ex. But you never know she might be your soulmate! So, you really don’t want to miss on that chance.”
While there are no rules of any sort, psychiatrist Arsha Bisht suggests that it is best to “keep things clear with your friend, even if you want to flirt with his/her ex”. “This ensures you make no mess!” b_shreya@dnaindia.net
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