Forsaken moms yearn for their kids

"Is it me you're looking for?" the eyes of an old woman I met at an old age home in the city on Saturday, seemed to ask me. Her eyes, it seemed, had been waiting for her children for years. There are many mothers like that old woman in the city's 12 old age homes who haven't seen their children for ages and are hoping to hear from them on Mother's Day on Sunday.

Sanyukta Pandya, 82, is a widow who has lived for the last 13 years at 'Jivan Sandhya', an old age home. She used to work for the Gujarat government's urban development corporation as an organiser.

"I worked for the corporation for 35 years and single-handedly brought up my son," she said. "But for the past 13 years, I have stayed at Jivan Sandhya, while my son, who stays in Bhavnagar in a fully furnished apartment that belongs to me, seldom calls. He does not realise that I miss him and want to celebrate Mother's Day with him and his family."

Pandya said that most of the time she is happy living at the old age home, watching movies, going on yatras, and participating in garba, rangoli, and sports competitions held there. But whenever she wins in one of the competitions, she longs to be with her son so that she can share her joy with him.

"At such times, I feel as if I have failed as a mother," Pandya said. "I supported my son fully so that he could become a graduate but I could not teach him his duties as a son."

Another woman who longs to see her children every Mother's Day is 80-year-old Rambha Trivedi, a mother of two sons and one daughter. She worked hard all her life to bring up her children but, 12 years ago, she  had to seek refuge in an old age home with Rs10 and a pair of clothes.    

"I used to get up at 5 am to finish household work and then spent the rest of the day looking after my kids and grinding spices for neighbours to earn a few extra pennies," she said. "But today my sons do not have the time or inclination to call me even on birthdays, what to talk of Mother's Day!"

Most of the old women living in the city's old age homes said conflict with daughters-in-law were the main reason why they had shifted to the old people's homes. They said it became impossible to bear the humiliation inflicted through verbal insults and sometimes even physical violence. Many had given up their properties to their sons and could not even think of going to court against their own children.

"I do not want to fight for worldly things," said Indira Chitvan, 73, a mother of three sons who has been staying at an old age home for the last six years. "I love my children and just want them to value the relationship." She is in tears when she talks about her children not calling on her even once. Several women said they would be going to different temples on Mother's Day.

"I will be going to Nathdwara tomorrow," said Shanta Patel, 84, who has been living in an old age home for nine years. Chandrika Thaker, 74, who has also lived there for six years, said, "We are going to hold a special prayer meeting for our children. We would pray to God to give us the strength to bear our plight."