In a country like India where the LGBT community is still far from being integrated into the mainstream, the hunt for a same sex partner is never an easy one, especially for girls
Monisha Ajgaonkar is clear she wants to be quoted by her real name in this article. The freelance photographer, an out-of-the-closet lesbian, wears her sexuality on her sleeve. Her Facebook profile makes no bones of her fondness for women and she is clear that she “digs girls” after having dated and ended her relationship with her only boyfriend when she was in class XII. It was her brazen attitude on Facebook that encouraged her current girlfriend to ask her out — she knew she could approach Monisha without any risk of being misunderstood.
In a country like India where the LGBT community is still far from being integrated into the mainstream, the hunt for a same sex partner is never an easy one, especially for girls. “Women tend to experiment with their sexuality more. So, it’s important that you can tell between a woman who’s really interested in a serious lesbian relationship, from one looking to have some temporary fun,” says Monisha, 22, sounding much older than her age.
Monisha is clear that she’s in for the “real thing” — dating a woman on a long-term basis. Both the girls Monisha has dated were people she met on Facebook.
Ritu Varma*, a 25-year-old banker, says a social networking website is the best place to meet other lesbians. “You get to know the person over a period of time. You start with chatting, find out about the person through mutual friends, then start talking on the phone, texting, and meet after a while. No one in for a one-night stand will sustain a friendship for so long.”
Monisha points out that those looking for one-night-stands don’t beat around the bush. “I have been propositioned directly. One of the women was a housewife. She had no qualms in approaching me for some fun on the side. Another woman was a firang model I added on Facebook for work reasons. I deleted both from my account.”
While social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter help lesbians to hook up on a more regular basis, LGBT parties are not exactly a hunting ground for lesbians looking for serious relationships. Also, the turnout among the women is far lower at such parties. “Not many women are out yet, to begin with,” says 24-year-old Sonal Giani, who works with the NGO Humsafar Trust.
“In any case, women in our country still have deadlines. Also, women are slightly hesitant to frequent these parties, unless they know the organiser really well.” The turnout is higher at parties exclusively for lesbians, but there are not many of them happening.
The party circuit aside, lesbians find it very difficult even to just “hang out”. Anjali Kumar*, 24, says she was with her girlfriend at a coffee shop once, and had her hand around her shoulder. “We weren’t really doing anything; just sitting close. The man on the next table told his son to not look at us, as apparently we were doing something ‘very bad’. We have also been asked to leave a restaurant once.”
Ritu says it’s tougher for men. “A group of girls grinding with each other at a party is normal. When men do that, there’s trouble.” Anjali says a group of boys were reprimanded and thrown out of a nightclub for dancing too close to their partners. “In that sense, LGBT parties are liberating. You know you are among your own and can be yourself.”
*Names changed on request
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