The marriage of two faiths

When a Jain marries a Zoroastrian

When Abhijeet Umathe and Persis Bilimoria Umathe told their parents that they wanted to marry each other, both families were a little taken aback. She is Parsi, he is Jain. "I was in no hurry to marry until both families were happy, otherwise their unhappiness would trickle down into our marriage," says Abhijeet. However, with a little pressure from Persis, a date was set and the parents were informed. "Abhijeet had told me that once his parents accepted me, they would do so whole heartedly," says Persis. "And that's exactly what happened".

Persis and their two children eat non-veg, but Abhijeet, who doesn't even eat eggs, cooks the meat. More spiritual than religious, Abhijeet and Persis have left it up to their children to follow whatever religion they choose. "I don't need to go to a specific place to pray and there's no point in going to a place where my loved ones aren't allowed," shares Persis, who with Abhijeet, speaks of God as a higher being and stresses the importance of being kind and generous. "They can also marry who they want. We will always love them and don't want them to live a life to please us," says Persis.

A perfect Hindu-Muslim match

Yamini and Asgar Khan on their wedding day
 

Yamini Khan, a Hindu-Brahmin girl from Indore, did all she could to convince her parents to allow her to marry her Muslim boyfriend. While they never accepted Asgar and did not even attend the wedding, Asgar's family welcomed Yamini with open arms. "Her parents showed her photos of other guys hoping she would forget me," laughs Asgar. They first had court marriage and the nikah a year later. "If her parents had come, we would've had the pheras too, but she didn't want to do it without them. She still hopes they will accept me and we can get married again as per her culture," he shares.

Yamini adjusted well in her new family. No one forced her to offer namaz or to wear a burka. They celebrate all Hindu and Muslim festivals and have accompanied each other to the dargah and temple. The couple, who are expecting their first baby in April, plan to "share their knowledge about both cultures and allow the child choose later," says Yamini. Years from now should the little one choose to have an interfaith marriage, Asgar believes that a problem would only arise if the other family is too conservative, "but no matter what it's worth the trouble."

When a South Indian Brahmin marries a Catholic

Nagaraj and Roshni with their granddaughter
 

Roshni Nagaraj and Nagaraj S S married with the blessings of Nagaraj's elder brother Deepak, as his South Indian Brahmin parents did not agree to his choice of a Catholic wife. "My mother was a staunch Brahmin. She mixed with people, but followed her rules," shares Nagaraj. Even though Roshni's parents had agreed, they could not have a Catholic wedding unless both bride and groom were Catholic. Neither wanted the other to convert, so they had a temple wedding and a court registration. Four months after the wedding, "Nagaraj wrote a letter to his parents saying we were married and they called us over," shares Roshni.

Nagaraj and Roshni are firm in their faith, but accompany the other to the church and temple; they have an altar and a temple at home. Before marriage, they decided their child could marry as per his/her choice and follow the religion of his/her spouse. So, their daughter Ritika got the best of both worlds. "If she wanted an arranged marriage though, it would have been difficult to find a Brahmin or Catholic boy who would agree to marry her," says Nagaraj. "We didn't want her to have problems, but it all worked out."

A Zoroastrian-Punjabi story

Yasmin and Raj Kapur
 

"While Raj's family did not oppose our marriage, it was unheard of a Zoroastrian marrying out of the community almost 45 years ago," says Yasmin Kapur who married Raj, a Punjabi-Hindu after a 10-year courtship. So they had a civil wedding and a small Punjabi ceremony with immediate family. While it took several years for Yasmin's family to accept it, it did eventually happen.

Although Yasmin is a practising Zoroastrian, she also celebrates Diwali and Dusshera with her husband, who has never stopped her from going on pilgrimages or to the agiyari. Their two children know the prayers and follow the rituals of both communities. "The kids are influenced by the environment, rather than us. At the end of the day God is one and that's what we instil in them—to respect all religions," shares Raj.

The Kapurs live by what they say; a few days from now, their son will be marrying a Hindu-Christian girl and will have the Hindu pheras as well as the church nuptials in their ceremonies.

What the kids have to say

Kumail Rizvi
 

28-year-old Kumail Rizvi's parents taught him and his brothers that whatever religion they follow, it should come from the heart. He remembers accompanying his Muslim father to the mosque and his Protestant Anglo-Indian mother to church, as well as going for confession. "I've learnt about other religions and try to understand everything about my parents' religions," says Kumail, whose family celebrates all the Christian and Islamic festivals.

Married for 37 years, his parents had a few disagreements in the beginning, but things worked out over time. Kumail's mother continues to read the Bible and prays regularly, but also attends her husband's religious functions.

"I feel blessed that I haven't been brought up as either a staunch Muslim or Christian. Understanding and accepting all religions has now been ingrained in me."