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Should you introduce your beau to your ex?

Ben Affleck reportedly was part of a cosy encounter where his current beau Lindsay Shookus met estranged wife Jennifer Garner. Wondering if you should do the same? relationship experts advise against it. Here’s why...

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(Clockwise from top left) Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus; Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin; Gwyneth Paltrow; and Jennifer Garner
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Common folks have always advised against getting your current beau and your ex under the same roof, in order to avoid any awkward moments or explosive encounters. However, former celeb couples Jennifer Garner-Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow-Chris Martin have chosen to take a different approach. Recently, Ben reportedly introduced his current beau Lindsay Shookus to his estranged wife Jennifer. They reportedly hung out together for over an hour without things getting out of hand.

Another former celeb duo, who has chosen not to heed this advice is none other than Coldplay singer Chris and his ex Iron Man star Gwyneth. In fact, RadarOnline.com had reported that a source had shared that Gwyneth does not approve of his current love interest Dakota Johnson. The source went on to add, “Chris was hoping this would finally be the girl who Gwyneth would approve of. She hated Anna (Wallis, his ex) as well as Jennifer (Lawrence) and Alexa (Chung), saying they were all beneath Chris and refusing to socialise with them.”

In both scenarios things have not really worked according to plan however, they have also not escalated to the point of no return. So, does it make sense to seek the blessings of your ex before moving on with your current beau? We asked relationship experts to tell us what would be the right approach.

‘Keeping a distance is advisable, but things change if kids are involved’

Following traditional wisdom, psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal says, he does not advocate introducing your current BF/GF to your ex, especially, if the previous relationship didn’t end harmoniously. He says, “A friendship between your current and ex would put you in the middle forcing you to battle two emotional centres at the same time. It is a normal pattern, specially among those who still harbour feelings of resentment for their ex. They try to showoff that they have moved on and how life is much better. The equation changes when kids are involved. In such a scenario, it’s important to introduce them to each other and the kids in a non-shocking manner.

This helps the children to understand the concept of relationships breaking and moving ahead. The best approach is to inform your ex that you are dating someone, but not introduce them formally or even on social media. It’s better to keep the distance.”

‘Examine your motives while deciding whether to take a leap or not’

Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany too believes that before taking this leap of faith one needs to examine their motives for doing so. Often in the hope of making a fresh start, one may simply end up complicating things, taking it to a point of no return.

She says, “Many people carry their broken emotions and unresolved feelings around without processing that. Such introductions bring back those memories and hurt emotions, more so if the relationship ended up in pain, hurt and disappointment. I always ask my client, what would be their motive or intent to introduce their current partners to their ex. Many of them are not clear why they need the exes’ approval. These are important questions to ask oneself. I definitely think that a person doing so is confused with a lot of issues. For healthy living, let the past go and give time to yourself and your ex to heal.”

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