Pick your friends with care

Everyone wants beautiful friendships but reality is perhaps a little more complex than that. As we go through life and deal with all kinds of friendships, we can also learn to distinguish the good from the bad. In this, there is probably no substitute for first-hand experience.

Says TV actress Shweta Kawatra, “For me a true friend is someone who stands by me in my hour of need. There are always friends available to party and have a good time with, but I can count my true friends on the fingers of my two hands.” She feels that a good friend shows you the mirror to yourself and corrects you: “Of course truth is harsh, but a true friend is one who shows you the truth about yourself with compassion.”

Politico and fashion designer Shaina NC has a number of friends going back to her school and college days who, she says, she can trust implicitly. “Good friends have taught me to be dependable and trusting in situations.” On the other hand Shaina is wary of fair-weather friends, who, as she says, “drop names and use your friendship to get ahead themselves.”  Also, she steers clear of friends “who are full of themselves”. She warns, “Always pick friends who are more intelligent than yourself because you can learn a lot from them. Steer clear of sycophants, yes-men and hangers on.”

Shweta feels that in order to have good friends, one must be a good friend to the other person oneself. “In a friendship you are equally responsible for the direction the friendship takes. It’s totally up to you to use your discipline and wisdom not to be led astray in a friendship.”

Psychotherapist Seema Hingorany, who deals with several cases of friendships causing problems in people’s lives, says, “We live in a world ruled by social networks where youngsters come under peer pressure to form multiple friendships. However, one must realise that real friends are those who will stick with you at a time when the rest are deleting you from their networks. And we can have only a handful of good friends at any given time, while the rest are social acquaintances.”

She adds that good friends will tell you where you’re going wrong, though a lot of people don’t want to hear where they’re going wrong nowadays.

Seema cites an example of a good friend, “A bad friend might  say, ‘Why are you carrying that cheap mobile phone?’ and urge you to splurge on a expensive one, while a good friend will understand that you have financial limitations and choose to remain silent.”
She further adds, “Someone who talks to you against your family is a bad influence, as is someone who urges you to splurge the money  that belong to your parents. Friends who exploit you for money or insist you always pay for your joint outings together are also usually bad influences.”

At the same time the psychotherapist recognises the importance of friendships in a young person’s life. “Having friends is vital for any young person. Just be careful of the friends that you pick since they often end up influencing us as much or more than our parents.”