Faking happiness for your ex?

Monday, 1 September 2014 - 12:27pm IST | Place: Mumbai | Agency: dna

A picture speaks a thousand words, even if it's a series of selfies with smiley faces taken across the globe. After a break-up, many couples attempt to play and win an absurd game of upmanship where they want to prove to an ex that they are better off, and do so by sharing holiday pics or party pics of them having a good time. While some may buy into it, many will see through the facade says 30-year-old Gayatri Shah.

She adds, "Social media and networking sites are a great way to connect and stay in touch with people. However, it's also a bane especially when you are going through a break-up because of the constant reminders online whether it's mutual posts or pics shared. It's a digital diary that you can keep flipping, reliving the hurt if things ended on a sour note."

She further said, "While many may choose to simply log off, and wipe the slate clean by creating a new profile and deleting the existing one, there are others like me who want to prove a point. Break-ups can be hard and when I was going through one instead of cutting off ties with my ex I decided to make him realise that he had made a mistake by breaking up with me. I would post pictures of me having a great time. Some may think that's it's a pathetic move, but you are not always rational when you are going through a heartache. While it did not bring my ex back to me as I had hoped. He did call to check if I was doing okay. Somewhere down the line you realise you cannot keep holding on, and then have to start facing facts."
Gayatri says she did that only when she got talking to a mutual friend who told her nobody was buying the 'I am so happy' facade, and she had to move on.

The pressure to appear happy on social media

 Apart from the embarrassment, Gayatri had to face the truth that she was not fooling anyone but herself. While your close circle of friends may know what's going on, that may not be true for the others on your your networking page. Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist, says, "There is a lot of pressure on individuals going through a break-up, and many of them end up giving into the temptation of pretending everything is okay, even if it's not. The sexy and happy selfies are just a mask people hide behind, till they come to terms with reality."She adds, "If you are very sensitive and cannot break free it's better to unfriend your ex for sometime rather than bombard them with your happy pics. This facade or masking to prove that everything is hunky dory gives way at times, and a person sinks into emotional turbulence. The best way is to go through the feeling of sadness for sometime after break up, and not bottle it up."

Faking happiness is not going to make things better

Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, adds, "Using social media to see its effects on your ex may never let an individual really get over the relationship. To accept the break up and deal with the emotional pain one must look for healthier ways to move on rather than just being preoccupied with showing off your new life to your ex. If things did not work out, it does not mean you try to hurt the person back who tried to hurt you. Avoid playing games to make the person jealous and come back to you. Disconnect for a while, if you want to heal."


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