Damsel not in distress

In a society that stigmatises the breaking down of a marriage, Vandana Shah's life may well be defined by divorce.

"It is my life's mission to bring about a policy change in divorce," the lawyer, activist and author says in a booming voice that fills the air at her Bandra residence-office. "The frills of a marriage are very heavy in India. People get caught and entrapped by the frills."

She should know. Getting married into a rich family in 1998, Vandana, the daughter of an Indian Air Force officer from Himachal Pradesh, had pictured her life as idyllic. "I'd imagined myself as one of those ladies who lunch, play a sport, use my intelligence sparingly, get featured in the papers for my jewellery and get on with life."

The undoing of the frills started in 2001, when her husband filed for divorce and asked her to leave their marital house. Through the 10 years that the divorce proceedings dragged, she learnt the difference between making decisions based on convenience and financial constraints. "From going by chauffeur-driven cars to deciding whether I should drive or take an autorickshaw or train, the divorce changed my outlook to life."

Instead of being dejected, Vandana chose to make lemonade from the lemons that she was handed out. Her journey, while unconventional, is a logical one – from a divorce litigant to a divorce counsellor, an advocate of divorce laws and recently the author of a divorce memoir The Ex-Files.

For Vandana, 'separation' has become a constant theme of her life. "I'm the only one in India doing this, and doing it positively," she claims. "I'm positive because there's no other way to be. Everyone has something good going for themselves, and they should make the most of that. Had it not been for my divorce, I would've never started to write and surely wouldn't have pursued law or been gritty about life."

It is this determination to carry through that made her start 360 Degrees Back To Life, a support group for people going through divorce. "We are unwilling to accept the reality of divorce. The stigma is immense." To cope with it all, she facilitates group meetings, outreach text messaging and phone call services and counselling. She is also pushing for reform and widening the scope of legislation keeping in mind contemporary times.

"Our divorce law, under the Hindu Marriage Act, dates back to 1955, when people grew up thinking that marriages are made in heaven, and last for seven lifetimes," she rues. As a result, when someone files for divorce, they can only do so on a handful of grounds, primarily dowry, cruelty, insanity and adultery. The latter is impossible to prove because the law demands that the person has to be caught in the act and that this must be recorded to prove adulterous behaviour. "Divorce cannot be granted simply on the grounds that a couple no longer gets along, that a marriage has irretrievably broken," stresses Vandana.

Limited legislation, constraints of the judges and judicial system and the vicious behaviour of the litigants themselves are the other factors that lead to long-drawn divorce proceedings in India. "The women usually want more money and the men mostly contest monetary demands in lieu of more access to kids," she says.

"Essentially, both the partners seek bargaining chips to leverage and hold out for years. Such tactics cause endless delays, which are compounded by the fact that the delays are condoned by petty fines. If the courts were to order litigants to pay substantial amounts in fine, then cases won't drag for 10, 15 and even 25 years in courts as is the norm now."

Is there any silver lining to the dreariness of divorce proceedings in India? "A lot of young, working executives who seek divorce these days do so by mutual consent. They are not litigious," says Vandana. "Often times they share the lawyer's fee and even split the cab fare when they come to court. They are practical. They don't want to spend the rest of their lives in court."

-Include more grounds/clauses for divorce in legislation
-Give judges discretionary power to settle matters, impose fines and make binding settlements
-Impose incremental fines for delay tactics by litigants
-Expedite matters; decide on access to children annually instead of fresh application every time access has to be granted
-Give counsellors more power
-Create awareness and eliminate stigma from divorce