Are you being too responsible?

There is an errand to be run and although you are already running late, you decide to squeeze it into your morning schedule. You’re tired and craving a cup of warm tea but do the laundry instead. A friend calls to say she has a medical problem and you insist on accompanying her to the doctor. All these are situations where you have taken up responsibility – that is, you’ve made something your duty and made yourself accountable for getting things done. Doesn’t sound fun, right? No wonder then that many people try to get out of the scene when this big R word is around.

Being responsible is one of the best qualities a person can possess – it paves the way for order and security in life. People who cannot take responsibility invariably find their life is chaotic, frustrating and often, a shadow of what it could have been.

However, like any other quality, too much of a feeling of responsibility does not augur well for your emotional well-being. People who take too much responsibility end up fretting over things, unable to let go and enjoy the present moment and with not a spare minute to spend on themselves. And this can have a damaging effect because it drains them of a healthy vitality.

How to tell if YOU are too responsible

If you find yourself shaking you head thinking, ‘I’m not like that,’ just go through the checklist below and you’ll know the truth. Generally, people who tend to take up too much responsibility

• Feel they need to do everything themselves
• Jump in to rescue others or save others from trouble
• Find themselves apologizing for things where they were not in control
• Make excuses for others around them who are in the wrong
• Feel guilty about taking time for themselves
• Take them blame for things they didn’t do
• Find it difficult to sit still for even a few moments
• Lose sleep at night, worrying over all they need to get done

How to stop being too responsible

Being responsible is good; but too much of a good thing is always detrimental to not just your emotional well-being but also to the development of people around you. Here are a few tips on how you can stop feeling so responsible all the time.

• Give people more time to do the things they ought to do – don’t jump in to do it right away.
• Stay realistic about the time and resources you have on hand and avoid taking too much onto your plate.
• Learn to say no to tasks that are too demanding of you; if this is too difficult initially, at least learn to say ‘not now’
• Accept that it’s okay for things to go wrong occasionally; everything need not be done to perfection all the time.
• Plan time for yourself to do the things you enjoy. This will give a sense of relaxation that helps you unwind and attain greater peace.
• Allow other people to take ownership of some chores and let them do things at their own pace. If you can’t bear seeing them make a mess, get away physically from the spot. With time, they will learn to do it better on their own.
• Stop trying to please others all the time. As Abraham Lincoln said, ‘You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.’

Understanding the limits of our capacity is the healthy way to ensure we don’t end up feeling overwhelmed with the tasks of our daily lives. When you take too much responsibility, you also unknowingly sow the seeds of resentment – one day, when things get too much to bear, you are sure to find some small incident becomes the proverbial last straw on the camel’s back. Instead of getting to this stage of an emotional breakdown, it is good to learn to delegate things to others around us.

So, the next time there is an errand to be run and you are already running late, push it to later when you are more relaxed or try to get someone else to chip in. When you’re tired and craving a cup of warm tea but have to also do the laundry, understand that a few moments delay won’t make a big difference. And if your friend calls to say she has a medical problem, remember that she may have called you just to vent her feelings and you don’t need to really insist on accompanying her to the doctor.

Originally published on www.thehealthsite.com