Breaking down gender barriers is the essence of Independence for this duo of a lesbian and a female-to-male transgender.
“He is a girl, but is now a boy, even if he looks like a girl.”
Sumathi Murthy’s mother still gets tangled up while introducing Sumathi’s friend Sunil Mohan to visitors. But she no longer feels any discomfort about the fact that Sumathi’s friend is a transgender.
This is a far cry from how Sumathi’s parents first reacted when she told them she was a lesbian. It took 10 years of discussion, often at the dining table, before her parents could get used to the idea and be happy for Sumathi, even proud of her.
Sumathi feels lucky to have found such unconditional acceptance, because she knows how difficult the situation is for many others.
She and Sunil have, in fact, dedicated themselves to helping other female-born queer people to live as freely as themselves.
This is easier said than done because there are barriers from both sides—society and the queer community. It is not just that many sections of society ostracise them, but most queer people too cut themselves off from mainstream society. “Without mixing, mingling and engaging with others and saying that they are not accepting us is of no use. The point is to talk about the issue, debate and negotiate till you reach the stage where the queer are no longer condemned,” Sunil says.
Their approach is to counsel queer people to first try and fit in with their families, neighbourhood and society, so that running away becomes the last resort. They started a support group, called LesBiT, for female-born queer people in 2006 and have handled about 40 cases of runaway couples till now. In each case, they tried to equip the couple with the negotiating skills to face their parents and discuss the situation in a neutral space.
To keep things from getting out of hand, they involve police and lawyers as observers. Sumathi says it takes patience, but in all the cases they handled—barring two—they were able to find a via media between the parents and the runaway couples. “All of them can visit their homes freely now, if not with their partners, at least on their own,” Sumathi says.
The LesBiT helpline has also been getting calls from queer women facing difficulties at home. This enables them to intervene at an early stage. It helps the girl negotiate with her parents before a crisis point is reached. Currently, Sunil and Sumathi are working on an oral history project for Open Space, Pune. Instead of coming-out stories of queer people, their focus is on “how they negotiate lives in the mainstream”.
They have also written a book, Towards Gender Inclusivity: A Study on Contemporary Concerns around Gender, about the struggles of female-born gender and sexual minorities in south India. The book also explores the options available to such people within the existing legal framework. Unlike many other queer rights activists in India, they do not believe in fighting for separate categories for sexual minorities or reservation. What they want to achieve is an inclusive system.
“Queer people are already in the mainstream. It is the issues they face that aren’t yet in the mainstream,” they say.
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