Defying norms, Ahmedabad single mother adopted 25 yrs back

Long before former Miss Universe Sushmita Sen became the unofficial ambassador for single women adopting children and even before the society had warmed up to the idea, a Botany lecturer defied convention and adopted not one but two children.

Kusum Vyas adopted her first child, a daughter, in 1987 and followed it up with another adoption, this time a son, in 1991. For her, it was a way of giving back to the society. She did not wish to be married. As a well-educated, independent, career woman, Vyas decided to chart her own path in her personal life as well. Ask her how difficult it was to be a single mother then and she surprises you with her answer. “At no point of time did I face any discriminatory attitude of the society. In fact, most of the people I knew, including my own relatives, were very supportive of my decision,” says Vyas.

She points out that in those days very few people knew that single unmarried women could also adopt children. It doesn’t matter what you do, but any good work will eventually find support from one and all, she feels.

On how difficult it was bringing up two children single-handedly, she says it was neither more nor less difficult than it would have been for a couple. “When children are young, as a parent you face difficulties. This is common for everyone, whether single or married. I too faced the same difficulties,” she said.

Her children have taken her name as their middle name, traditionally reserved for the father. It needed some efforts on the part of this former head of the department at Government Science College in Gandhinagar to ensure her children were allowed to use her name. She reveals that during their admission, even the school principal was reluctant about it, but Vyas got an affidavit done. “If you do everything as per law, nothing can stop you,” she says. Her son Prit Kusum Vyas feels proud to use his mother’s name.

“Whatever I am is because of my mom. She adopted my sister Abha and me at a time when it was unheard of single unmarried women doing it. She has always been forward in her thinking and I am proud to be known as her son,” says Prit.

He admits he did face some trouble using his mother’s name. “Eventually our society is a patriarchal one and people are not used to children taking up their mother’s name,” he says. He gives an example of his passport. “I went to get my passport made and, as I use my mother’s name, the officials don’t know what to fill in the column for the father’s name.

I have provided all official documents and affidavits, yet they are hesitant,” says Prit, who is a class 1 officer with Uttar Gujarat Vij Company Ltd. He believes that if women are as independent as his mother, they can take decisions on their own without worrying about anyone.