The great political party

So then, which is the party of the poor? The BSP of course.  After all, its initials stand for Bahujan Samaj Party and it represents the Dalits of the country.  Its leader Mayawati, called behenji by one and all has labelled the Congress and the BJP as parties 'of the rich, by the rich and for the rich.’

So it follows by the laws of Indian politics that the richest candidate in the country of poor Dalits is the BSP’s own Deepak Bhardwaj. Standing for the West Delhi seat, he drove up to the election office to file his nomination papers in a tractor and declared assets of Rs603 crore.

Closer home in the Mumbai Metropolitan region is the Samajwadi Party’s candidate Abu Azmi (Mumbai North-west).  “When I came to the city I slept on the pavement,” he said, selling his dream to the people who are still sleeping on the pavement. You too can be like me, is his message, worth Rs122 crore, though it is not clear whether this rise in fortune is due to individual entrepreneurship or SP entrepreneurship. The story goes that there was an omission in his nomination form. Asked for his PAN number he declared none. Asked to explain why, he said to have mumbled, “I don’t eat Pan.”

He is not alone. Forty percent of the 196 candidates standing for the region’s 10 parliamentary seats don’t have a PAN number. This includes candidates of the richest party: Raj Thackeray’s Maharashtra Navnirman Sena has eight candidates out of its nine who are crorepatis. After all, how do you do  navnirman for Maharashtra without first doing navnirman for yourself?

The Shiv Sena leads the race in another field: 80 percent  of its candidates standing in the Mumbai Metropolitan region have criminal records, though the man proudly ahead with the largest number of criminal cases against him is Jagannath Patil of BJP standing at Bhiwandi (that constituency by the way, has 50 percent of its candidates with criminal records, thus giving Bhiwandi a greater choice of goons to choose from than most other places).

Perhaps Bhiwandi will lose out to Bihar. We don’t know because no NGO there has survived long enough to compile figures about criminals in politics. The cleanest contest there is between Shatrughan Sinha and Raj Babbar, both film stars, both sons of the soil (and not sons of the soiled).  Their contest is high decibel which is probably why Shotgun, who has the louder voice, will win.

Things are quieter in Rae Bareilly and Amethi because if you are Sonia Gandhi you only need to show your hand and if you are Rahul Gandhi you only need to show your dimple (and make sure you keep Rakhi Sawant from campaigning for you). Things are quieter around L K Advani too, because the man has lost his voice. Literally. He is now seen flexing his muscles and speaking through his surrogates, the ‘Strong Man of Gujarat’ and the ‘Fat Boy of Pilibhit’. The party moves to Mumbai now. It’s a political bash alright. Everyone’s coming with spirits so high, who needs alcohol?