The green-eyed divide

It seemed like both of you were meant to be the best of buddies till the end of time. You shared everything from your darkest secrets to your deepest insecurities, from the highest highs to the lowest lows. But then one day life got you at point where your friend achieved his/her true dream and you got left behind somewhere. And in that split momenteverything changed, and your friendship turned into jealousy. 

“Jealousy is a very natural human emotion and cannot be avoided. It usually arises when you try to equate where you stand in life, with someone else,” states clinical psychologist, Anupama Shah. “The problem is not in feeling jealous of somebody but letting it overpower your emotions so much so that your close relationship starts falling apart,” she says. 

Everybody raved about the friendship of Tarun Sharma (20) and Vineet Iyer (21) (names changed) in college till both of them fell for the same girl. “I always thought Tarun was my best friend. He always knew how much I liked one of the girls in our class. But for some reason he never told me about his feelings for her. I often used to see him hang out with her and that made me very jealous.

Not because they went out but because he hid his feelings from me, despite us being such good friends. We never spoke about it and I feel sad to have parted with him like this,” recalls Vineet. 

In another instance Roshni Acharya (22) couldn't stand her friend Ujjwala Doshi (23) because she could afford more things in life than her. Roshni says, “While I slogged a whole year doing part-time jobs so that I could buy a watch for myself, she simply gets the same from her dad on demand. I began to feel it was an unfair situation and ever since then we have had this uncomfortable feeling between us.”

To recognise that you are feeling jealous of somebody for some reason is actually the most important step in taking a corrective action, according to psychologist Shah.

“Recognise that you are feeling something and then talk about it to that person in a way which is constructive. Accept that you have a limitation about yourself and try to be comfortable with who you are. If you are good friends, it shouldn’t be a problem for you to solve it,” she remarks. 

Seema Ahuja (28) and her friend Meenal Paul (26) work in the same office in a marketing job. Meenal is a better performer than Seema but Seema doesn’t let that get in the way of their friendship. “I know she is able to crack better deals than me. It’s not that I don’t feel jealous but I just take it as healthy competition. I have told her that she is a better candidate but then she also raises the bar for me to do my best. I don’t want to lose a friend because of my insecurity,” says Seema.

The path of nirvana doesn’t help. It’s best to just face up to your feelings and try and work on them for the better. However, after a little thinking, if you still can’t get over your jealousy, rather than forgoing the friendship, just get help from family and friends.