However strange it might sound, tension between the kids can be created by the father or mother.
According to a study conducted by researchers from the University of Toronto, McMaster University and the University of Rochester, sibling rivalry is instilled in kids when they are young. When parents play favourites, the less-favoured child develops complexes and the entire family’s mental health is affected. The researchers found, as expected, that children whose siblings were favoured ended up with more mental health problems over time than the siblings who got equal treatment.
Favouritism and the cure
Swati Popat Vats, president Early Childhood Assocation says, “Favouritism in parents is sometimes conscious and mostly unconscious. Conscious favoritism stems when one child listens more, does things easily and gets all the parents attention, or if a child is sickly or weak then parents end up giving him/her all the attention.
Unconscious favouritism is practiced by most parents when they end up spending more time and attention on the new born or toddler in the family.” The favoured child will become selfish and will end up resenting the favoured sibling and parents. She further adds, “The family’s emotional bonding will be affected and will be based on resentment, dislike, bitterness and lack of trust. It can also lead to the favoured child developing a bloated self-esteem.”
Dr Jyoti Sangle, psychiatrist at Dr LH Hiranandani hospital explains, “Parents should try and keep a balance and remember that no child is different. Grooming them is what makes a difference. Parents should always look at their children equally. There are a lot workshops on parenting and sibling rivalry that could help.”
Raising two kids effortlessly
Jyoti explains, “Give equal opportunities to both the children and don’t compare. There should always be a logical explanation to why one child gets a particular opportunity and the other doesn’t.” Apart from spending more time with the kids, experts also advise parents to treat each kid as different from the other. Swati says, “Be fair and take the first-born into confidence when the second child is on the way and also involve the second child in the first-born’s chores. This will give a sense of justice, fairness and bonding.”
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