Keeping the flame alive in a digital age

With new technology, the long-distance playground has irrevocably changed

A Skype account, a web cam, the ritualised hug and teddy bear gift on Facebook, staying awake all night just to say 'hi': Nineteen-year-old Neeti Mohan's love life has been revolving around these modern, yet intimate technological tools for the last six months. The reason is one most of us may have experienced at some point - her 22-year-old boyfriend is in Germany, and Neeti is trying her level best to keep the spark alive, albeit with the aid of technology. "I know it's going to be difficult, but I love him way too much not to give this a shot," she says.

While there's nothing new about couples attempting to preserve their love across great distances, with the onslaught of new applications and technology, the playground has changed. And it's the teenagers who are maximising the potential that the Internet has to offer.

With their devil-may-care attitude, the world is their playground, and long-distance relationships the norm. But be it online dating, or the 'one-moves-out-of-town/country' syndrome, the young generation is loathe to sever ties with their loved ones, and are working under the simple assumption that they have so many 'you know I care' options at the click of the mouse. Be it Instant Messaging, turning to Facebook applications, or micro-blogging on Twitter, being in a long distance relationship is now an acceptable status among most college students.

"I kiss my girlfriend every single day on the webcam, and that too at 3am," laughs media student Prabal Rajput, whose girlfriend moved to Dubai a year ago. And though the lip-lock may not be as personal as he wants it to be, Prabal does not appear to be disappointed. In return, his girlfriend sends him roses, hugs and teddy bears on Facebook almost every day.

But can technology bridge the divide? The problems don't magically disappear — misunderstandings, cheating, and the toll it takes on their academic life, are still some of the reasons cited for a breakup. So, even though it's a common sight to encounter youngsters glued to their laptop screens or texting each other on their cell phones and PDAs, the knowledge that these are poor substitutes is ever-present.

Can e-mail - no matter how heartfelt - replace the feel of a hand-written letter? When was the last time you affixed a few stamps on an envelope and sealed the letter with a kiss? Those days of waiting anxiously for the postman are over; instead it's the 'you've got mail' that we turn to.

Prabal and his girlfriend try to keep the "old days" alive by occasionally sending written letters to each other. ""We alone know how much these little things mean to us", he says.

Psychiatrist Harish Shetty agrees that though globalisation has made love survive distances, intimate and emotional contact at some stage is a must. "Trust is the binding cord of such relationships. Though the Internet has made things easier for youngsters, exclusive contact at least once in a while is required," he says. Couples need double the trust, and love, to survive.

Making a point to meet regularly is how DJ Pearl and Nikhil Chinappa survived a two-year long-distance relationship before they finally tied the knot and moved to Mumbai.
"It wasn't a cakewalk, considering both of us were in the early stages of our career and had to travel a lot," recalls Pearl. But both made it a point to meet at least once in two months and spend time with each other, exclusively. In fact, distance, they say, taught them some of the greatest lessons in life. "You learn so much about each other, in spite of not being there all the time," says Pearl.

But there's no hard-and-fast rule. While many relationships do survive, the casualty rate cannot be ignored.

"My parents were cool with my relationship until my boyfriend of six years packed his bags and left for the US. They asked me to break up immediately," says 24-year-old Shikha Sanghvi. Though she secretly dated him for another month, the different time zones proved to be the most discordant factor. "I would stay awake till 4am just to chat with him, and he would rarely come online," she rues. And finally, he e-mailed her the dreaded Dear John e-mail. 'We shouldn't expect anything from each. I quit'.

Some things, it seems don't change. Skype and Facebook and webcams and the lot can only take you so far.
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