Ma’am, how do I use a condom?

Teens in Mumbai are turning to helplines for answers about sex

MUMBAI: Rachita, 17, hasn’t had a moment of peace for a week. After having spent a passionate night with her boyfriend, she’s worried that she might be pregnant. With no one to turn to for advice, she finally calls a helpline and pours her heart out to an anonymous, but comforting voice at the other end. “I wanted someone to comfort me, and answer my problem queries,” she says.

And Rachita (name changed to protect identity) isn’t the only teenager calling up helplines to talk about sex and other such issues. An increasing number of youngsters in the city, aged between 14 and 20, are resorting to random helplines to talk about their sexual problems. With no one at school to address such issues, and parents preferring to maintain silence, there seems to be an alternative. Often, while they know what ‘sex’ is, other issues like using condoms or knowledge of sexually transmitted diseases are still grey areas.

Says Johnson Thomas, director or AASRA, a suicide prevention helpline: “Of the annual 9,000 calls that we get from youngsters, around 40 per cent seek help on sex and sexuality.” He blames the lack of sex education in schools for this.

Parents, too, are to blame. Most prefer to live in ignorance and refuse to accept that their child might be in a physical relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Ignorance is bliss – that’s the mantra the Mumbai parent follows. According to clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany, “Earlier, physical intimacy among children was unheard of, but it’s not so anymore.”  

This is not a city trend, but is happening all over the world. According to a US survey, an average of 50 children, as young as 12, seek guidance from helplines every day. The only difference being that in India, the questions are very basic. The half-baked knowledge that children receive from their parents and confused friends adds to the problem. “Because ‘sex’ is a taboo word in our society, our children don’t understand the whole process,” Thomas explains. Counsellors of other helplines concur.

Common topics, they say, include questions on condoms, ejaculation, masturbation, homosexuality and sexual diseases. “Though sex is a vast subject, the children who call in ask very normal questions,” says Dr Shilpa Merchant, state director of PSI, which runs the HIV Aids helpline Saadhan. This is because no one is talking to them about these topics. A tenth of the calls Saadhan receives are from teens. “You can’t ask your teacher how to use a condom, can you?” says Shilpa. Yes, there are crank calls too, but these are minimal.

Teachers find this trend disturbing. Sucheta Bhawalkar, the principal of King George High School, asks. “Shouldn’t that be the last option? Are the volunteers trained to answer such questions?” Hingorrany sees this as a wake-up call for parents and teachers. But at least they’re asking, says Merchant. “Knowledge can only empower and not corrupt you,” she says.