Are women good at keeping secrets?

An old wives tale says that men don’t have the stomach to digest and retain confidentialities while women can tuck confidentialities far away from probing eyes. Is it true?

Says actor Tanaz Irani, “I totally agree. Women are more mature  —- in the sense that even in a moment of anger they are more controlled and less likely to give away a secret. Because they’re basically homemakers and peacemakers they need to have more control over their minds and realise the consequences that ensue from a loose tongue in a heated moment. Women tend to think from their hearts and their aim is to keep their kith and kin together so they don’t give away secrets when they’re caught on the wrong foot.”

Says choreographer Sharmilla Khanna, “There is no such thing as a secret for a man. They don’t know what it means and they don’t have anything to keep as secrets. Women on the other hand have more secrets to keep.”

Fashion designer Maheka Mirpuri believes she’s good at keeping confidentialities and other people’s secrets secure. “I’m open to friends coming up to me and chatting about the highs and lows in their lives and I think I can keep confidences. People come and chat about their mother-in-law problems or sometimes a client will pick up a particular dress and not want anyone else to know and I can handle that.  Because of this ability I have built up trust among the people I deal with and people feel that they can let me in, reserved as my personality is, into their personal lives. It is definitely a positive quality that helps build relationships.”

Agrees Tanaz, “Because of my ability to keep other people’s confidences I have been able to maintain my friendships for the longest time, dating all the way back to school. In the final analysis it is things like these that count in a relationship and not how much money you have or what a fine house you live in.”

According to psychotherapist Dr Seema Hingoranny, “In my clinical interactions with couples, I have found that if there’s a confidential matter, men are more likely than not to blurt it out openly. It is a constant complaint with wives — that their husbands go upto people the couple have been discussing in public and blurt out the issue at hand to them.  Women on the other hand are more timid and less likely to be involved in a controversy of this nature.  When they’re talking to people their emotional and protective side tends to get activated which prevents them from confrontations or saying hurtful things to other people.”

Adds the doctor, “On a personal note in my interactions with my friends I find that men openly discuss floating rumours without inhibitions while women tend to think twice before doing so.”

Concludes Sharmilla, “From time to time I also tend to indulge in harmless gossip about people when in a group of friends. But if one of my friends is going through a bad time then I won’t discuss it. Harmless gossip and confidentialities are two different things.”