Twitter
Advertisement

The changing ideas of big fat Indian wedding

Bhel puri and dal tadka at a South Indian wedding? Mehendi on a Christian bride? When it comes to the big fat Indian wedding, the times really are a-changing, says Priyanka Maheshwari

Latest News
article-main
FacebookTwitterWhatsappLinkedin

The Republic of India is made up of 28 states, seven union territories and more than a billion people who are multilingual and multi-ethnic. Put the term “Indian wedding” into Google’s image search, however, and all you’ll see are pictures of women wearing mehendi, chuda, a red and gold lehenga. You can blame it on Bollywood or on the fact that Punjabis really know how to party, but today, the big, fat Indian wedding is actually the big, fat Punjabi wedding. “The North Indian way of wedding is universal now,” said Gurleen Puri, a Mumbai-based wedding planner, who attributes the fact that Punjab is taking over Indian weddings, one shava shava at a time to Bollywood’s depiction of weddings.

Traditionally, the rituals of wedding ceremonies in southern India are very different from the festivities that are standard practice in North India and Bollywood. In Hindu weddings, there is no singing, dancing or alcohol. Kanjeevaram silk saris, rather than crystal studded lehengas, are the norm. For men, it’s the dhoti; not tuxedos or sherwanis.  Christian weddings are less sedate, since dancing and alcohol are not uncommon at the reception that is effectively a big party held after the church wedding. However, in the past, the songs you’d hear at a Christian wedding reception wouldn’t include something like Mujhse Shaadi Karoge.

However, Mujhse Shaadi Karoge featured quite prominently in Syrian Christian Missy Mathews’s wedding. Although she is Malayali, Mathews was brought up in Australia and Bollywood was an essential part of her childhood. For her wedding, Mathews added all the Punjabi works, including a mehendi and sangeet. Even the food served was North Indian, with items like bhelpuri and chum chum in the menu. Mathews also sought permission from the priest solemnising her wedding to have mehendi on her hands. The only thing Mathews couldn’t manage was convincing the men in her Malayali family wear pink turbans.

“Initially, the relatives were a little sceptical about having a dance function before the marriage,” said Mathews. “But once the function started everyone enjoyed every bit of it.” It proved to be a great ice-breaker and allowed Mathews’s fiancé, who didn’t know her family very well, to meet his newly-acquired relatives in a relaxed setting. “We understand people better when we sing and dance together,” said Mathews.

Sometimes, it’s not about succumbing to Bollywood charms but wanting to include elements of the culture you’ve grown up with into that special day. Mona Massey, for example, is a Christian from Lucknow. She got married in church but before that, she had the haldi ceremony and wore mehendi. Instead of throwing a bouquet, she threw rice, following the North Indian Hindu tradition.

“It’s about integration and associating with the people around you,” said Anuradha Dravid, who runs a recruitment firm in New Delhi. For her niece’s wedding, Dravid, a Tamilian Brahmin, arranged for a sangeet ceremony with mehendi and a cocktail party. “The elders in our family are progressive Tamil Brahmins and we had all the rituals in place.” The additions included joota churai.

Explaining the mix-and-match wedding that is the new norm, sociologist Madhuri Raijada said, “People no longer live in their hometowns, they work in offices where they share their space with people from multiple cultures. So they adapt what they like.” Raijada was surprised when her Maharashtrian neighbour invited her for a sangeet“Sangeet sathi majhi ghari aa” is not a line usually heard while talking about a Maharashtrian wedding.

While appreciating the fun aspect of these weddings, Raijada also voices concern. “Imitating food and functions is just superficial. People have these functions because it’s fun, but there’s also consumerism involved,” argued Raijada, saying that these extravagant ceremonies borrowed from North India often make a statement about personal wealth and social status. Puri’s experience of planning weddings professionally matches Raijada’s observations. “A lot of money is involved and parents are pressurised into spending a bomb to arrange whatever their children desire. A Tarun Tahiliani lehenga or a Sabyasachi saree is not something everyone can afford,” said Puri.

Find your daily dose of news & explainers in your WhatsApp. Stay updated, Stay informed-  Follow DNA on WhatsApp.
Advertisement

Live tv

Advertisement
Advertisement