Mate-poaching benefits no one

How I met my partner? That could very well be the question, one may have to ponder over if the results of a new relationship study are to be factored in while determining the success rate of a romantic alliance. Could this study have predicted the success ratio of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s marriage? If you go by the findings, the odds were clearly not stacked in their favour.

Mate-poaching rarely results in a successful pairing
The numbers are clearly not in your favour if you mate-poached your current partner, luring them away from their other half without actually cheating. If this is the case, they will be less committed, less satisfied and less invested in the new pairing. A study conducted by psychologists at the University of South Alabama found that “poachees” are also more likely to be alert to other potential partners and view them as ‘higher-quality’ options. However, what’s worse is that, they were also more likely to cheat than those who were not poached. In contrast, those who weren’t poached were less likely to seek out different partners, the British Psychological Society said. However, the psychologists said further work is needed to understand exactly how the phenomenon is damaging. Do couples who mate-poached have a reason to be concerned?

Dr Anjali Chhabria, consultant psychiatrist and psychotherapist, seems to think so. She says, “I think there is some truth to the study. Like a butterfly, flying from one flower to another, some personalities get used to this pattern of searching for a partner and thus end up relationship hunting. And although, it may seem that their partner lured them into being in a relationship with them, which is often termed as ‘mate-poached’, it is this constant dissatisfied tendency of the person that probably makes them interested in what’s next.” 
While most people would like to paint the poacher black, and pin the blame on karma for things going wrong, psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal, believes there are other factors that can undo a relationship. He says, “There are different factors that play a role in things not working out. In some cases, the poached partner might harbour strong feelings for his/her past. Especially, if the new relationship misses some of the ingredients of the past. The feeling that he/she has been poached can create a lot of guilt or anger, which can destroy the current relationship. Bringing up the past, everytime there is an argument can further aggravate things, leading to more negativity, a guilty conscience only makes things worse.”

Key to a successful pairing...
According to a 77-year-study into relationships, the happiest couples are not the ones that never argue, but rather those where each partner knows they are ultimately supported despite some minor bickering. 

About the study
Researchers surveyed 138 heterosexual couples who were in a relationship for 36 months. The average age of participants was 20 and 71 per cent were women. A final survey of 219 heterosexual participants reflected the similar results, and found that “poachees” are also more likely to be alert to other potential partners and view them as “higher-quality” options..