FIFA 2018: Harry Kane's late goal against Tunisia sparkles English hope for a better tomorrow

If the England national team’s exploits, or lack thereof, were to be viewed through the prism of Greek mythology, then their tale would surely be The Myth of Sisyphus. For the uninitiated, Sisyphus was an egotistical king who angered the gods by his actions which included the attempt to cheat death.

Angered by his hubris, Zeus condemns Sisyphus to spend an eternity in hell, pushing a boulder up a hill only for it to be rolled back down again, for infinity. In modern usage, any laborious and futile task is considered Sisyphean and they don’t come more ponderous that the English football team at major tournament.  

All the different fragments of the English football team – the fans, players and management – appear to be stuck in the same Sisyphean loop no matter which part changes, the end result is always the same – abject disappointment.

On Monday against Tunisia in their opening game at Russia 2018, it started to feel a lot like all those days gone by, with the Englishmen missing a litany of chances, that well-paid Premier League players ought to take with their eyes closed. It was beginning to feel a lot like we’ve seen it all before. Déjà vu. The inevitable draw against inferior opposition was looming as Tunisia started to get ready to celebrate their point against England.

That is until Harry Kane headed home deep in injury time to give the Three Lions their first win in the opening game of a World Cup since 2006. The litany of different records that Harry Kane broke is a testament to the England’s perennial underperformances in major tournaments.

Kane’s winner was the first time England scored in stoppage time during a regular 90-minute game at the World Cup. Their six shots on target in the first-half were the most in the first half of a World Cup game since Charlton and Co were playing against Eusebio’s Portugal in 1966, the last time England won the cup.

Kane’s two goals was also the first time an Englishman scored a brace in a World Cup game since 1990 when Gary Lineker scored 2 against Cameroon.

Even Wayne Rooney, the man billed by many as the White Pele, only has one World Cup goal to his credit. To be fair, it shouldn’t have come to Kane, perhaps the only truly world-class player in this Three Lions Squad.

The way England started the first half, one would’ve expected at least five goals if the players could have taken their chances. Four minutes in, Raheem Sterling appeared to be stuck between choosing to be a tap dancer or a duck prancing away from a hunter with a shotgun when he snuffed a ball with the goal begging just 3 yards away, leading the caustic Piers Morgan to remark on Sterling’s controversial gun tattoo: “Oh Raheem, you can't ink a machine gun onto your leg then shoot like that.”

Sterling was saved further embarrassment by the linesman who ruled that his open-goal miss was from an offside position and he wasn’t the only English player who seemed to forget that main premise of the game is to put the ball in the net.

Professional dabber, social media enthusiast and part-time footballer Jesse Lingard was another one who missed a host of golden opportunities to double the lead. Centre-back John Stones, who was picked for being a ball-playing midfielder instead of Chris Smalling, struck only thin air from point-blank range with the goal gaping. Tunisia’s keeper Hassen was forced off with a shoulder injury but England failed to test his replacement Farouk Ben Mustapha.

To be fair, in the 30 minutes, England looked a better team than they’d ever done at a major tournament and the last few generations will only have memories of English players running around like scared hares on the big stage. Sadly, once things settled down, England looked like their plaid, stodgy selves again playing flaccid passes and barely threatening going forward.  Things only improved after Marcus Rashford and Ruben Loftus-Cheek came on as England looked to unlock the tight Tunisian defence. 

And at the end of it was Kane, who was there at the right moment to head home and give coach Gareth Southgate some breathing space as England gear up to face Panama and Belgium, who ripped apart the former easily. Kane’s late, late intervention, even against lowly opposition like Tunisia feels like divine intervention. One can only hope that Zeus has extracted his punishment and the English football team can finally start putting up performances in major tournaments that are worthy of their footballing heritage.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be optimistic to the point of foolishness to expect the folks who claim to have invented the game to play it in a manner that’s not a disappointing embarrassment.  As a fan, one can only hope Kane's goal becomes the rock upon which the new English football team build their church.