Why these groups love the Net

The anonymity offered by the internet is a boon for homosexuals. Anandita Chatterjee & Lhendup Gyatso Bhutia report.

Nikhil Sharma had just broken up with his boyfriend of two years. Shattered, the 18-year-old student, who had not come ‘out’ about his homosexuality, wondered who he could talk to about the pain. When he couldn’t find a friend, Sharma even contemplated suicide. “Then I logged on to this website where I found the companionship I was looking for,” he says. “After that, it’s been easy for me to find other gay men who share my views.”

Networking websites for the LGBT (lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgender) community in Mumbai are becoming increasingly popular. Many people log on to find friends, dates or eventually, even a partner. Sites like guys4men.com, pinksofa.com, gaydelhi.com, gay.com, gaybombay.org and faceparty.com are aimed at providing homosexuals (and
other supportive groups) a forum to discuss a plethora of topics, from the arts, to gay rights.

The main reason for the popularity is of course the anonymity that the internet offers, especially to those like Sharma who are not out of the closet yet. According to Vikram of Gay Bombay, who runs gaybombay.org, the idea behind the website was to create a safe space for homosexuals.

“Our website is extremely popular,” he says, “we have more than 5,000 members today, while our Yahoo! groups mailing list includes more than 16,000 members across the globe.” Adds writer-activist R Raj Rao, “Compared to the hazardous washrooms, pubs and public loos that gays frequent, the net is less dangerous.”

People log on for a variety of reasons. “While some are looking for their ideal partner through common interests, others simply want friends to talk to,” says Samuel, a masseur. “And of course there are those who are looking for sex.” A lot of members who register on the gay social networking sites also find that it helps them to hook up with like-minded people professionally too. The sites are sometimes also unique ‘coming out’ tools for youngsters who are still to come to terms with their homosexuality.

Older gay men that they meet, often mentor and help them understand themselves better. “This makes it much simpler to accept one’s sexuality,” adds Sharma. Members who interact online further their acquaintance by meeting each other. Sharma has his own process of selection. When he finds someone interesting, he first gives out his email ID, followed by his phone number. If the person still stays in touch, he finally agrees to a date. “But very few interactions actually reach that stage,” adds Sharma.
There are, however, fewer community websites for lesbians. And the screening process to join these e-groups is more stringent. “That’s because for women, there’s the added threat of men posing as lesbians to try and get in touch with them,” says Anamika. She is one of the lucky ones to have found love on the net. “My girlfriend is in Bangalore. We first met when she was in Canada, through an e-group for lesbians,” she says. “We finally met in person when she came to India.”

These e-groups not only provide dating opportunities, but also keep members updated about news around the world. There are also organisations that help underprivileged lesbians. “The rise in websites has increased communication between the gay communities. Every medium, however comes with its own share of pitfalls, like heterosexual men claiming to be gay,” says leading gay activist Ashok Row Kavi. Rao, however, feels differently. “These websites are furthering the stereotype that gay people in India are basically promiscuous,” he says. “The much-hyped anonymity that these websites offer is actually not helping the gay movement at all. Homosexuals need to come out in the open.” Moreover, Rao believes the websites help homosexuals have it easy both ways, which he disagrees with. “It helps them stay anonymous in the cyber world while wanting to pass off as heterosexual in their daily lives.”

But the websites still have their loyalists like Anamika, who has been going steady with her girlfriend since they met online. Sharma is also a fan. “It’s been three years since I first logged on to a gay social networking website.

I met my partner and friend on the internet,”  he says.  “Though I’m not too sure of my relationship right now, I know I have found a friend for life.” (Some names changed)