The road to divorce is unclear

Recently, a man sought divorce on the ground of “mental cruelty”. He complained that a day after their wedding, his wife refused to sit for the ‘muh dikhai’ ceremony, calling it a “drama”.

 A woman filed for divorce six months after getting married because her husband spent too much time at the office. Her plea was granted.

A Delhi court recently granted a man divorce from his doctor wife who had hurled abuse like ‘haramzada’ (bastard) and ‘janwar’ (animal) at him.


Every day, hundreds of divorce cases are being filed at various courts across the country as divorce is no longer such a taboo and couples are less tolerant of imperfections in each other and their marriages.

Till a few years back, relatively few matrimonial disputes reached the courts. But now, with more awareness of one’s rights, pro-women laws (and their misuse), and stressful lifestyles, more than half the cases in urban courts are matrimonial, say lawyers.
In Delhi, the proportion of cases that relate to matrimonial disputes is as high as 70%, points out Rekha Aggarwal, a mediator at the Delhi Mediation Centre. “Earlier, couples used to come for counselling to help save their marriage. Now, they want to move on as quickly as possible,” she says.

“People are more assertive now,” avers lawyer Santosh Kumar Singh.

Mahendra Singh*, a senior bureaucrat entangled in a divorce battle explains: “People do not want to be held up or tied down with an incompatible partner. These days, neither is the woman a ‘Sati-Savitri’, nor the man a ‘Maryada Purushottam’. Society too is more permissive. Whether it’s the ‘Western influence’ or a need to assert one’s freedom of choice, this is a natural corollary of progress and economic well-being.”

Law minister Veerappa Moily said that there were around 55,000 couples involved in divorce cases in 2010. It is estimated that in a year 7,500 cases of divorce are being filed in Mumbai, 9,000 in Delhi and 3,000 in Bangalore. Around 12,000 divorces were cleared in Delhi alone last year. With ‘irretrievable breakdown of marriage’ becoming another ground for divorce, this number is likely to go up rapidly.

Legally, grounds of divorce can be cruelty, adultery, desertion, conversion, mental disorder, leprosy or any serious communicable disease, and it can be granted once a couple fails to resume co-habitation after a decree of separation. A wife can also seek divorce on grounds of rape, bestiality and sodomy, second marriage by her husband, or if his whereabouts are unknown for a certain period of time, or he is convicted for a crime.
Aside from these, there are new reasons why couples seek divorce: abusive partners, incompatibility, and different aspirations.

Whimsical reasons
According to lawyers, the reasons being cited in divorce petitions are more whimsical than they’ve ever been. These include refusal to stay with in-laws, no desire to experiment with sex, or unwillingness to do household chores. Husbands often complain that their wives do not have table manners, do not interact with their colleagues, or refuse to drink at parties.

Sample this: Amit Khurana filed for divorce in 2010 because his wife Ritu did not wear ‘modern” clothes’ despite his requests. “I can’t bear my friends commenting on how my wife is not stylish,” he pleaded in court. He was granted a divorce early this year by a trial court in Delhi.

Needless to say, Ritu was shocked. “We had a fight a few days ago and after that I went to my parents’ home. But it was a small quarrel and could have been resolved easily,” she told DNA. “It’s my right to wear the clothes I choose, be it traditional or modern. Nobody can force his/her wish on me. If he wants to divorce me for this, then I don’t think he deserves my love,” she says.

In another case, Shalini filed for divorce from her husband Sumit after six months of marriage alleging that he neglected her and spent too much time at the office. In the mediation cell, she was advised to join hobby classes or start working. She rejected both suggestions. Her divorce was finally granted.

Women are becoming more assertive with their sexual demands too and dislike being treated as ‘sex objects’ by their husbands. “Many women complain that men do not take care of their sexual needs. If a tired husband refuses to have sex with his wife, women cite this as a sign of impotence when filing for divorce,” says Aggarwal. “In one case before the mediation cell, a woman from a conservative family complained that she felt bad when her friends talked about their romping sex lives because her own wasn’t as exciting,” she says.

New laws
The enactment of the new law on Domestic Violence (DV) seems to also be contributing to divorce proceedings. Aggarwal says a lot of women – particularly from middle class families – are using it as a tool to “teach their husbands a lesson”. “Harassed by such misuse of dowry and DV laws, men file for divorce,” she says.

Women may also resort to filing criminal cases with an eye on fat alimonies, according to men’s groups. “The judiciary is sending out a message that the falling apart of short-term marriages is financially beneficial for women. No wonder men are being treated as ATM machines,” says Virag Dhulia, a men’s rights activist.

Women’s rights groups have a completely different perspective on this. They say that these laws have given women the strength to fight injustice. “Women are aware that they don’t have to tolerate violence at home,” says senior lawyer Kirti Singh, who is also a member of All India Democratic Women’s Association (AIDWA).

According to her, it is usually men who file for divorce because of their financial superiority over a non-earning wife. “However, financially-independent urban women do not hesitate in severing ties with their husbands,” she says.

One reason for this is that daughters are no longer considered “paraya dhan”, says the father of a woman who has applied for divorce. “Parents side with their daughters and provide them with the support they need to fight for their rights.”