Glad tidings for tying the knot

It’s a perfect love story. Boy meets girl and both fall in love. They belong to different religions. The parents… DON’T play spoilsport. Neither does society.

This is the story of new-age couples. Everything goes smoothly right from the day they meet. Religion, community and caste are no barriers. Most of all — in case of an inter-religious marriage — neither partner changes the faith.

Take the marriage of Sarah Aikara for instance. The accounts supervisor with O&M is a Catholic. Aikara, 28, met Ankur Jain, of the same age, at the workplace. Cupid struck and after three years of dating they decided to tie the knot. “Initially, the parents of both were apprehensive. But when we went for a court marriage this May, they agreed to the union,” says Sarah. This month, they went through a traditional Jain ceremony followed by a church wedding.

“None of us will get converted to the other’s religion. We have a cosmopolitan outlook and respect each other’s religion,” she says.

Inter-religion love marriages are common, but an inter-religion arranged marriage is a bit tough to digest in India. Joel Abraham Solomon, a 37-year-old Jew, got married to Sunita Chandane, also 37, a Hindu, in June after a matrimonial search of 12 years. “Being a Jew, it was very difficult to find a good alliance in my community, as we are few in the city,” says Solomon, a homeopathic doctor.

He says Judaism is a very strict religion and his wife would have had to convert to enter the synagogue or even take part in festivals. When Chandane said yes to Solomon, her only clause was that she wouldn’t convert. “Jews in Maharashtra have imbibed the local culture very well. We speak Marathi at home and our food habits are almost the same. Moreover, our marriage ceremonies are similar — we use haldi and mehendi too. So, it wasn’t difficult for Sunita to adjust in our family,” Solomon explains.

Arya Anil, a 26-year-old Hindu who works as a sub-editor with ASAPP media, says in her case the parents didn’t complain or have a problem at all when she told them that she loved a Catholic boy. Neither she nor her husband converted. But, she says, adjusting to a new setup was difficult.

“The customs and cultures are different. Simple things like celebrating birthdays are different. We celebrate by visiting the temple and having a holy bath, whereas in my husband’s family, they ring in the birthday at midnight,” Anil says.

But Aikara, now Jain, says adjustments need to be made even in same-religion marriages. “Some things are different. Like touching elders’ feet. But these can be followed easily. My sister and I have always celebrated Rakshabandhan and Diwali. So adjusting is not a big deal,” she says.

In 29-year-old Shweta Mistry’s case, commitment, more than religion, was the point under consideration. Born to a Punjabi father and Malayali mother, Mistry (Shweta’s surname after marriage), a Hindu, had no religion-related hassles. But her school love Carl Mistry, a Parsi, was commitment phobic. “He proposed to me but said that he didn’t know where the relationship would head,” Mistry, a PR consultant, says.

Carl’s parents had an inter-religious marriage too. His father is Parsi and mother Catholic. “One fine day, Carl realised how much he loved me and we got hitched,” Mistry says, smiling. The couple had a typical Punjabi wedding ceremony and celebrate all festivals, be it Christmas, Diwali or the Parsi New Year.

The couples are also clear about which religion their children should follow. “Nowadays, since many people are marrying outside their communities, kids will not face any identity crisis. We have decided to teach our children about both religions,” Jain says.

Mistry says she hasn’t decided whether to have kids. So the question of their religion doesn’t arise.