Conflicts that make Kolkata

Kolkata goes about organising its relentless traffic in a rare fashion. For almost half the day, most roads, streets and lanes see vehicles go just the one way, either from north to south or vice versa. At approximately one in the afternoon, all cars are directed in the opposite direction. It might take visitors a while to get used to this 'one way' system of motoring, but it does make the city tick, and what's better, it makes for a good metaphor. To understand Kolkata, I believe, one needs to comprehend the contradictions and pressures that arise when the city is being pulled in either one direction or the next. So in the event that you have been impressed by the backdrop of a recent Bollywood thriller and are planning a trip to the city, here is a list of ten tussles that you are certain to find Kolkata engaged in.

Mamata Banerjee vs herself
The city was exultant. Change had arrived with a thump, but then the doubting Thomases started getting their day in the sun. The ever-mercurial Mamata Banerjee has thought it a good idea to paint pavements and railings white and blue, to introduce dividers that impede traffic, not facilitate it. Even the neo-colonial street-lamps stick out like sore thumbs. For Calcuttans, there is little she can now do that is right. As predicted, Mamata di might slowly prove to be her biggest nemesis.

North vs South Calcutta
It isn't subtle in the least. Those from North Calcutta consider themselves the guardians of the last bastion, a Bengali hegemonic order that safeguards its culture and refinement with the same vigour that Tagore wrote his poetry. There is much that gives North Calcuttans their edge — beautifully constructed houses, cobble-stoned streets, even their sandesh is different. All you need to do to get them ranting is to say that Balaram, or worse still, a Mithai, could compete with the North's Girish.

Bengalis vs Marwaris
No other divide runs quite as deep in the Calcutta's psyche as that between the articulate, thoughtful Bengali and the crude, money-hungry Marwari. Ever since the Marwaris decided that the economic landscape of West Bengal was as barren as Rajasthan's desert, a schism between the two disparate communities was formed and this has since grown to an enmity of gargantuan proportions. For the Marwari, the Bengali will never give up his lackadaisicalness. And the Marwari will, of course, never forsake materialism. And so shall the stereotypes never meet.

College Street idealism vs Park Street revelry
The young of Kolkata can largely be divided into two large groups. The first walks around the book-lined pavements of College Street, ruminating on Sartre's lack of despair or Dali's use of the mirror as image. The second would much rather just measure the length of skirts to the beats of Justin Timberlake's latest tune at one of the many night-out options that Park Street has on offer. If you'd want to sample the alcohol-fuelled revelry of this sleepy city, the hotel Park is your best place to start.

Satyajit Ray vs Ritwik Ghatak
'Without Satyajit Ray, there is little in Bengali cinema that's worthy of mention' — while this sentence will serve you well in most cinematic circles of Kolkata, make sure you never end up dropping this line in the presence of a Ritwik Ghatak fan. The tactile realism which Ray mastered in his Apu trilogy and films like Charulata was matched by Ghatak with unbridled melodrama in films like Ajantrik and Meghe Dhaka Tara.  To continue the debate, you must head to the city's Nandan cinema.

Past vs the future
Starting from its fascination for old architecture — imposing regal buildings like the Victoria Memorial — to the antiquity of its much-quoted poetry, West Bengal likes to bask in the glory of its past. New voices and newer genres often have the imposition of the city's insurmountable and impeccable memory to counter if they are to make the cut. It's already a bit of a cliché, but Bangla rock bands head-banging to Rabindranath's lyrics might just be the way ahead.

Mini-bus vs the metro
If you're looking for public transport, you'd be advised to never get up on a mini-bus. All hours, without any exception, are rush hours here, and the sheer density of human beings is a stark reminder of how this city got its unfortunate epithets. Go underground instead. It might not be London or New York, but the Kolkata Metro is efficient, goes absolutely straight and has now, of course, been immortalised by Vidya Balan.

Mohun Bagan vs East Bengal
It isn't quite a colonial hangover, but Calcuttans know their football just as well as the British, and they follow the fate of their two teams — Mohun Bagan and East Bengal — with a similar fanaticism. The rivalry between the two teams has its roots in a deeper divide. East Bengal, often derided as a team of upstart refugees from across the border, has continuously had to pitch itself as an equal to the thoroughbred Mohun Bagan fan who shouts victory with the zeal of many hooligans.

Sourav Ganguly vs the rest of the world
When Sourav Ganguly made an entry on the international stage, Kolkata was in disbelief. One of our very own had made it, and how. During his captaincy, Calcuttans got the goddess Durga to slay an effigy of Greg Chappell, they read mantras for dada's destiny on and off the field, and even now, when Ganguly shuttles between television studios and the IPL field for Pune, there is a part of every Calcuttan's heart that yearns for some of that cheeky sparkle.

Phuchka vs Jhalmuri
If street food is your thing, Calcutta is the last pilgrimage, but you must have been told that surely. Find a phuchka vaala to start with. Don't expect a paanipuri, because the fire of one phuchka in your mouth is sure to equal a thousand suns. If you find yourself asking questions such as, ‘But where is this water from’, this adventure is not for you. You can go to the jhalmuri stall next door. It's staple food for many. Besides, how bad can it be? It is only a little bag of puffed rice after all.