Pillow talk... in separate rooms

She snores. He hits the sack while watching Narcos. She can't take blue light. He can't take rumbling sounds. They kiss each other good night before going to their separate rooms. Pillow talks, spooning and cuddling are reserved for nights when work doesn't beckon this journalist couple the following morning. Granted your eyebrows might shoot up, for theirs is not a conventional marital sleeping arrangement, but it certainly is a practical one.

"We decided to sleep in different beds even before we got married," says 30-year-old Meeta Gupta (name changed) whose been married for two years. "I'd been sleeping in my own room for 10 years prior to getting married, and so had he. We both have our routines and things we need by the bedside before we sleep. So it just makes sense to continue the pattern. Besides, the most I can do, and did do, was to move into his family house. I can't move into his bedroom."

Maintaining separate beds and quarters isn't a fad for the young and the restless in an era of House of Cards and How I Met Your Mother (when Marshal and Lily succumb to peer pressure and end up sleeping in the same room). It has historic precedence. It was common during the Victorian era for man and wife to have separate bedrooms as well as for the women to have a boudoir for intimate chats with her BFFs. Centuries earlier, the Mughals demarcated area for men and women. Emperors and royalty maintained harems, with the best room reserved for the favourite wife or paramour. When Akbar commenced construction of the Fatehpur Sikri, he also gave instructions for the management of his zenana — the women's quarters. Given the number of companions he cherished, Akbar, no doubt, had the need to maintain separate bedrooms.

Unlike the Mughal emperor, Delhi resident Captain Ravee (who goes by his first name only) has one wife, Vibha, with whom he'll celebrate 27 years of marriage this December. The two have been sleeping in separate rooms every few months for the last five years. "We are an outcome of our social conditioning," says Captain Ravee, 47. "There's no conditioning or societal pressure for us to share the same space all the time." The security consultant explains that he goes to bed early, by 8.30-9pm while his wife sleeps by 11pm. Consequently, he rises by 5am while she awakes a few hours later. "We've created space for each other and for our own selves," says the father of two, adding that the 40s is a phase in which couples need to reorient themselves after years of externalising — women (mostly) on childcare and men mostly on their profession. "But mind you, this space is meant to rejuvenate you and your partner, not to pave the way for a third person."

Sleeping in separate quarters must surely invite questions of lust-driven liaisons and Chinese whispers of separation? "We don't usually talk about our sleeping patterns," says Captain Ravee. "Often when people come to know, including close friends, they express surprise. But when they see that the couple is happy and smiling and without conflict, there are no questions."

Bedroom to bathroom

Filmmakers Tarannum Pasricha and Pankaj Thakur draw the boundaries of personal space at the bathroom. The couple have maintained separate showers ever since they got married a decade ago. "If we have separate cupboards, why not separate bathrooms," poses Pasricha, 39. "These are personal spaces and keep the romance going since we don't end up having conflicts about personal preferences or petty differences. Besides, when you wake up and you need to go, you don't want someone knocking on the door."

Thakur reiterates the importance of the last reason in being able to "take my time when there's no one knocking" but adds that women tend to be more fixated with hygiene and orderliness than men. "I mop and keep my bathroom dry, but I also leave my clothes hanging behind the door, which is an absolute no-no in her bathroom," says the 38-year-old co-founder of Film Bugs. "If you want to spend some quality time with yourself, I can just go and sit in the loo. It's a pity you can't take your chai there."

Celebs known to have separate bedrooms

Farah Khan and Shirish Kunder
Irrfan Khan and Sutapa Sikdar
Abhishek Bachchan slept in a separate bedroom soon after Aishwarya gave birth to their daughter Aaradhya