Ahmedabad couples nurture careers, not kids

Bollywood dialogue writers, who dramatise Indian tendencies, captured the centrality of children in the Bharatiya marriage by describing them as a couple's 'pyaar ki nishani'. But Amdavad's double-income-no-kids (Dinks) couples are changing the traditional script - because when the modern women marry, they know it is not compulsory to carry.

Dinks were commonplace in China and in the metros of Southeast Asia a decade ago, now they represent a growing demographic in Ahmedabad and indeed across India.

A case in point is the 30-year-old Koyal Vaid, a teacher, and Mayank Vaid, a techie. They married three years ago, and since then their parents and neighbours have been waiting for 'the good news'. But the couple has chosen not to have any children. “I do not want kids. And I made that clear before marrying,” Koyal said. Mayank said he had no problems with that resolution, “I agreed with her decision and do not feel the need to challenge her choice,” he said. “For me, our marital bliss, freedom, and work are more important than having a child.”

The Vaid couple's choice reflects a far-reaching trend, experts say. Dr Gaurang Jani, a sociologist, said, “Today, the production of an heir, which was once a customary demand of families, is not viewed as an achievement that women need to show on their bio-data.” Jani said that the trend exemplified a major change in society. Dr Hansal Bhachech, a psychiatrist, said, “This trend represents a sea change that has occurred in the social psyche.” Bhachech said women did not want children because they saw them as a hindrance to their career. “Men are not so keen either because they do not want that responsibility,” he said.

Further, experts said that thousands of working professionals were managing their lives on their own in nuclear set-ups and delaying the decision to have children. The experts said that these couples finally settled down and jointly agreed that they did not want to disrupt their lifestyle by adding children to it. Dr Vinod Goyal, a psychotherapist, said, “Today, many young couples view children as a burden on their freedom and income.” He said that some couples even felt that children disturbed their sex life. “In this era of cut-throat competition, the new thinking suggests that it is a bad idea to create competition within the home,” Goyal said. “Such couples feel insecure and do not want a kid-competitor in their quest to find affection from their spouses.” 

Unmesh Shukla, a marriage counsellor and a high court advocate, said, “This is certainly a big change. A few years ago, the inability to procreate used to become a vital reason for separation for a couple.” He said that today, the non-willingness to procreate was seldom a cited reason for divorce. “Many couples today are struggling to prevent their personal lives from disintegrating, and think that it is not possible to cope with the responsibility of a kid in a relationship,” Shukla said.

“The number of career-oriented couples who do not want children is increasing,” said Dr Archana Shah, a gynaecologist “They keep
postponing their decision about having a child till they feel settled in their careers and marriage,” she said. “And once women reach or cross 35, they lose the drive to procreate. They lose the confidence to go through the process.”