I can be crazy in front of Ajay, says his 'Drishyam' co-star Tabu

The kind of films B-Town makes has changed. And so, we’re now seeing Tabu on screen more often. In the last few years, she had shut herself out. In the last two years, we have seen her in more films than we have in a long time. Her character in Haider, Gazala is still fresh in our minds. Not many actresses her age would have agreed to play mother to Shahid Kapoor. But she did. 

Ahead of the release of her next, Drishyam, in which she plays a tough cop and a mother (again) Tabu explains that she has accepted her age and become more comfortable with herself and the world around her. 

Tired of promotions?
No. For a change, this time around, I actually do like the promotions.

Really?
Yes, this time, I am not feeling bad promoting the film. Firstly, you are promoting it with friends. Ajay and I have been friends even before we became actors. He hasn’t changed a bit, except that he’s become a father. He gives everyone space, which is a rare quality. I guess that’s why we bond so well. He does not judge you. At least me. I can be whoever I want to be. I can abuse, I can be crazy in front of him. Secondly, Drishyam is a great film. It’s like a seamless experience which will stay with me forever.

You veer towards strong women characters. Is it an extension of what you are in real life?
The strong characters I play, more than being an extension of me, are an extension of what I want to be. These are characters which make me feel, ‘What if I could be her?’ But of course, you cannot always experience all those things that you see in the film. So happily and safely, you experience it through your roles. I don’t know how I am in real life because I am many things in one body. Nobody is just one thing. According to time, situations and age, we keep changing and evolving but some things remain the same. But with me, there are a lot of changes that have seeped into my personality for the past few years.

From the time you started to now, the parameters of success have also changed (from 100 days to 100 crores). Comment.
I just miss the fact that we didn’t have to do so many interviews and we were not being watched all the time. There was a life that we were leading and there was this life where we worked. Acting was our profession. People could see just that, only through our films. There was a huge divide between their personal and public life. Today, there’s no such divide. Your personal life is up there for public scrutiny.

You took time to get used to it…
Yes, I definitely did. I am not comfortable being out in the open. I don’t know if anybody is. I think it’s really abnormal for anybody who love meeting and talking to 1 lakh people every day. You are also expending your energy interacting with so many people. You cannot do it on a daily basis. For me, it was much more demanding and challenging. Our generation was like kaam kiya aur ghar chale gaye. We could roam around and at the airport, put oil in our hair. On every flight, I used to put oil in my hair and wear the most dirty clothes and go. Now we don’t have that freedom anymore. You are always checking yourselves because there are cameras everywhere.

Made peace with living life in a glass bowl now?
It’s taken a lot of time but now, I think I am completely comfortable with that. I am really surprised that I have gotten so comfortable that I can actually distance myself from all this and do it as a job. I am just happy being in the moment and making sure I don’t get harrowed by it all the time.

Your recent phase is being termed as yet another ‘comeback’. 
I don’t know why the media calls it my comeback every time. The media coins such terms: comeback, breaking the glass ceiling, game changer, torchbearer. Kya karein, ab yeh term baith jaata hai ek baar, toh bas.. recluse, this that, god knows how people have described me always. Words are not important at all. They should not be also because eventually they are just words. What matters is work and what matters to me is what I am doing.

But now, you are doing more films...
Yes, so that people stop calling it a comeback every time (laughs out loud) No, but on a serious note, I am doing more films because I am getting good roles. All these films came to me now. If they had come three years back, I would have said yes to it even back then.

Back then too you must have got offers…
Ya, but earlier I was not happy with the kind of films that were offered to me. I was really trying to understand what I want to prioritise. It’s impossible for me to be okay with something I am unhappy with. I know it puts a lot of pressure on everything that comes to me and also on the people around me. People keep saying, ‘It’s so difficult to convince you’. It’s difficult for me to convince myself to do something I am not quite happy about. But yes, I am not saying that the films, I said no to are bad. Mujhe kuch atak raha hai toh main nahi kar paati hoon. Even if it’s an outfit, if I am not comfortable wearing it, I won’t wear it, no matter what. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for people to understand that. People should think, ‘Usko accha nahi laga. Usne nahi kiya’. But instead, they have talked about my personality. ‘Why do you say no? Why don’t you do this?’ Again when I do it, that also becomes such a big thing. Comeback, stealing the limelight, yeh, woh, uff! But that’s a good thing I believe. Karoon bhi toh publicity, nahi karoon toh bhi publicity (Laughs).

Does public perception matter to you at all then?
Now, I am not at that age where it should bother me. I cannot and I don’t even want to change the perception that has already been created. There’s no need because jo hai, woh theek hai. Obviously, I won’t go out of my way to do something that will harm or tarnish my image. Thoda sa I might make an extra effort to appear okay. Then again, it changes for somebody who’s 20 and for somebody who’s 40.  Abhi, if I want to wear good clothes and be comfortable in them, that’s because I like it. I want to look good, not because that’s the right way to be or because people will say she’s looking good. You live in a physical world where you have to be aware that you are being seen and noticed all the time. I wouldn’t like a 24X7 press conference in my life.