October 31 is Halloween's Day.
It’s that time of the year again when yuppies from across the country insist on dressing up in costumes to celebrate Halloween because India is a nation that really, really lacks enough festivals of its own. But the principle of Halloween is interesting, celebrating things that terrify us. So here are five things that are truly terrifying about modern India.
The agelessness of the Khans
Are the Khans – Salman, Aamir and Shah Rukh – getting older at all? Since the mid-90s the Khans have dominated the Bollywood landscape and it doesn't look like that the status quo is going to change any time soon. While the heroines keep getting younger and younger, so that the Khans are romancing those who age-wise are as old as their daughters. Seriously, have they discovered the fountain of youth or something? When will they get done?
Being in the vicinity of a cow
In modern India, there’s nothing more terrifying than being around a cow. Such is the fear factor these days that a Muslim youth broke his namaz (prayer) to jump into a well to save a cow because terrible things seem to happen when a cow dies or someone thinks a cow has died in the vicinity. Beef has now become the new ‘corruption’ and can even lead to police arrests.
The Selfie Menace
From the Prime Minister to everyone with attached opposable thumbs, the selfie malaise has afflicted everyone in this nation. It has become so place that Bihar CM Nitish Kumar actually mentioned Modi’s selfie habit in a 3 Idiots parody:
"Bahti Hawa sa tha woh, Gujarat se aaya tha woh, kaala dhan laane wala thaa wo, kahan gaya use doondho. Humko desh ki fikr sataati hai, woh bus videsh ke daure lagaate hain, humko badhti mahangai satata, wo bas mann ki baat sunata. Har waqt apni selfie khinchta tha woh, Dawood ko laane wala tha woh, kahan gaya use dhoondo.”
(He was like the blowing wind, from Gujarat he came with promise to bring back black money, where has he gone? Find him. While we worry about the country, he travels abroad; while price rise bothers us, he tells us only his 'mann ki baat. Always busy clicking selfies, he promised to bring back Dawood. Where has he gone? Find him.)
Bipasha Basu
It looks like now it’s almost unconstitutional to make a horror movie without Bipasha Basu in it. In fact, the last movie titled Alone had two Bipasha Basus who were conjoined twins where one twin comes back to the haunt the other. Now Bipasha is going to play herself in a new TV show called Darr Sabko Lagta Hai, which we must say has the meta-title we’ve ever seen.
Twitter
There was a time when Twitter was a fun place, and then it got taken over social media bots and troll who are hell-bent on proving that the other side is the worst. This includes the proliferation of insane hash tags promoting politicians, actors, song releases, first looks, first look of first looks and everything else under the sun. Yes, we know you are on social media, but it's time that you really saw through the blatant lies that hash tags sell.
In fact, we think we should all take a leaf out of John Oliver’s book and follow this hash tag: #WeUnderstandThatAsCorporateEntitiesOurPresenceInCertainDiscussionsIsNotAlwaysRequiredSoWeWillStriveToLimitOurActivitiesToJustSellingYouShit
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