Woman of letters: Take a break, Donald Trump

Dear Mr Trump,

Suddenly, apropos of nothing whatsoever, it occurred to me that you'd not been on a vacation. That you'd been toiling relentlessly and often unappreciated for too long. I was wondering if you might consider a vacation? I mean a really long one. Like a year or two in the mountains? Preferably without access to civilisation? Think about it. Just you and the great beyond, with the wind ruffling through your unique hairstyle, the sun kissing your skin gently, making you a stronger shade of orange… isn't it time you gave yourself a real break and got away? You look like you really need a break. I know of this little hideout in the hills where you can get really lost.

Or how about taking a few years off to sail around the world. You could buy a boat. A really big one. Vijay Mallya, an Indian tycoon given to your flamboyance, is most likely selling his. Circumventing the globe in a very expensive yacht is a very respectable occupation for a man of your riches. You could invite sundry Miss Universes too. Isn't it time you spoilt yourself a bit?

Or how about taking time off to finally pen the masterpiece you have been putting off for so long? The world is waiting for your bon mots, Mr Trump. Quick! Drop everything else you're doing to draw up a draft. Publishers will flock to your door, Mr Trump, to write a prize-winning novel. Added to everything you've already penned, that will surely look nice on your CV. Besides, there might be a film based on it too. And given that there are such few actors who could do justice to your charm and charisma, you might end up playing yourself in the movie! Think about it, Mr Trump. The possibility of an Oscar. Imagine your acceptance speech and what you could say...

An Oscar, Mr Trump! Now that would be something! I think you should go for it!

How about trying your (very large) hand at something completely new and exciting? Like learning a new skill, mastering a new art, trying out a new hobby? You look like a man of so many talents, Mr Trump. Don't you think the time has come to discover watercolour painting, tap dancing or even knitting?

Or how about buying a vineyard in the south of France and producing great, world-acclaimed wines? Think of the joy and pleasure that it would afford you. Walking around, inspecting your vines, supervising their picking and then the wine-making process and finally, winning multiple awards and praise as your produce wows the populace.
Or how about making movies, Mr Trump? Being a movie producer is a profession that so becomes you. There you will be at the centre of Hollywood, calling the shots, giving interviews, walking red carpets with the most fabulous stars...

However, if it's not the movies, or travel or knitting or watercolours or writing a novel or making wine or sailing the world that attracts you, have you considered attending to medical issues that have been bothering you, Mr Trump? Any hernias you've neglected? Painful haemorrhoids that need attending to? A few nips and tucks you'd like?

What are you waiting for, Mr Trump? Time is running out! Soon you will be too old to do many things. Put yourself first, Mr Trump. After all, nothing is as important as you yourself and your own needs.
Think of how happy you can be if you take time off for yourself. How happy it will make your friends and family. Think of how happy it will make your country and the world, Mr Trump. Think of how very happy the world would be.

I can assure you that America and the world will be so very happy if you take a break Mr Trump. Very, very happy indeed.

With only continued concern for your well-being and happiness. And every good wish, etc.
malavikasmumbai@gmail.com

(The columnist believes in the art of letter writing)