Don't be a creature of habit in your relationship

It has been proved that even the smallest of bad habits can have a negative impact on one's marriage. Let's start with the worst habit which most couples have – the habit to change or improve one's partner. The moment this idea germinates in the mind of a person, it puts him/her into a false superior mode and leads to unnecessary power struggle in a marriage.

A very common habit in these technology infused times is the practice of squabbling via text messages. Prolonging a fight through text messages can spoil a relationship. Having serious conversations through the same medium can be troublesome. In tune with this habit comes the habit of posting about one's partner on the social media – particularly venting can have an adverse impact on the relationship. A partner always wants to feel safe and attached. But this habit can take that attachment away.

A very detrimental habit is to compare one's partner to others. Making comparisons is a human tendency but when it becomes a habit to compare one's partner at the drop of a hat, it ruins a relationship. To accept one's partner as a unique individual will get rid of this habit. So, when one should refrain from making stark comparisons, one should also refrain from keeping one's feelings bottled up. Communication is the key to any strong relationship. Feelings should always be shared - good or bad. Inability to do so have manifestations in the form of resentment, anger and frustration. 

The moment one is married, the mentality to own one's spouse sets in. It leads to a habit of not giving space. Although it could be a result of inner fears and insecurities, one should stop oneself from cultivating this habit. Not giving enough space leads to familiarity which breeds contempt and takes each other's presence for granted. The quality of relationship is thus compromised.

Another bad habit with couples is to argue in public spaces. Arguing publicly creates couple shame which can be mentally wounding. As opposed to arguing in public, giving silent treatment is another bad habit to avoid. Couples who use silence frequently as a conflict mechanism have low relationship satisfaction, poor intimacy and communication. Habits first start as cobwebs and then become cables. Stop being a creature of your habits or you will be entangled in them forever.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively 
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com