How can you build a sense of purpose and meaning in your life?

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. — Mark Twain

In my line of work, I meet a lot of people who are at various junctures in their lives. Many have travelled long distances in terms of time, professional accomplishment, financial growth (but I've never met anyone who says they have enough wealth!), many successful social relationships, but then, they face a wall or a kind of block. 

Writers may face a writer's block, where out of nowhere, they cannot seem to write or decide what to write about. They might even wonder if writing itself is worth it. The words and ink that flowed from pens and keyboards just seem to sputter and the fingers that hold the pen do not have any messages coming from the high command, the brain or the heart, for the romantically inclined readers. This happens in sport too, its called a loss of form. Just after a season of high, the ball does not seem to ping off the golf club. The red cricket ball just does not make the right sweet sound or worse, in a catastrophic misplaced two inches of bat willow, the batsman drags his bat to the pavilion. It happens to designers and creative professionals as well. They find themselves churning out design after design, day after day, to no avail.

Then one day again, out of nowhere, the walls seems to turn into a delicate veil, which, with a gentle tug of your fingertips seem to be cast aside. It may happen when you look up at the black sky of a cold night and find one lone shining star, which was always there, but your mind was occupied. Perhaps you were too busy looking down at the pebbles and holes at your feet, or staring at the wall, willing it to open, or waiting for an Alibaba to come and give the “Open Sesame” password that would lead to wealth and happiness. Perhaps your mind was enveloped in self doubt, looking back at the possible crossroad of missed opportunities, and you spent time wondering if you had taken a wrong road (travelled or untravelled), wasted time and thought that you should just simply walk back. 

But it all changes, when you just look up to find your own personal North Star or Dhruv nakshatra as it is called in Sanskrit. 

Psychologists and philosophers call this the 'meaning in life'. Some study this as 'purpose' or even go into a branch called 'vision' and 'mission'. For this column, let's call it the North Star. If you wish you can call it your North Star or in my case, Birender’s North Star. 

For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment. -- Viktor E. Frankl
    
Over the last one year, I have had the opportunity to coach people across the broad spectrum of life, when they come to me in search of meaning in their life. I first tell them, I cannot tell you your meaning in life or even how to find meaning in your life. I do not have the keys to the magic kingdom. BUT, you can build a sense of purpose and meaning in your lives.

Using some really exciting tools, we can uncover what holds a dear and clear meaning in a person’s lives. The first thing that pops up is social relationships. The people who make up the colours, shades, textures and interpretations of your life; they make life worth living.

Where do they find meaning? Some people find meaning in just the beauty of nature. Every day they marvel in nature. Every weekend you find them among nature. They take holidays around nature. They find meaning everywhere. In every nook and cranny. In every bend, turn, crossroad and junction. 

Some people find it at work. Work is everything for them. They love contributing to everyone and everything. They want to make the world a better place. 

I have met many people who have been laid off or are on the verge of being terminated. I never charge them anything, because their life stories are heart wrenching. Anyone who has been out of work for a long period is grateful for their work as a means of putting food on their table, and suddenly they find meaning in their work. They know the meaning work has, because it has transcended drudgery into something meaningful. I once met someone who was terminated and started a small entrepreneurial venture, just as a means to keep herself from driving herself and other around her insane. But after that, she never looked at the job as her job. Work had taken on a new meaning. The joy of learning and witnessing a person transform her life is quite something.  

Once they clearly spot their North Star, the journey starts again. Sometimes in a new direction, sometimes in the same direction.The pursuit of meaning depends upon their life’s journey so far, where they find themselves today, and where they want to go. The North Star becomes an indelible imprint in a person's life. Every single time they feel lost in their respective journeys, they look back at the journey, figure out where they are, then look up to their own personal North Star.

In my line of work, I work with people in the art and science of discovering their North Star. Michael Steger is a psychologist who researches 'Meaning in Life'. He and his colleagues talk about two aspects of meaning. 

Presence of meaning in life: Do people think they have a meaning and purpose in life and if that purpose gives them immense satisfaction?

Search for meaning in life: Are you searching for meaning in life or are you constantly searching for what makes life significant? 

If you are high on the presence of meaning in your life and also on the search of meaning in your life, it means you feel your life has a valued meaning and purpose, yet you are still openly exploring them. You are more drawn to the question, “what can my life mean?” than to any single answer. 

If you are low on both presence and the search of meaning, you do not feel that life has a purpose and meaning and you do not think its worth your time thinking about, probably do not feel your life has a valued meaning and purpose, and are not interested in searching for that meaning. 
    
Michael Steger also measures satisfaction and meaning at work. He states, “What makes work worth doing? Work provides a means of making a living, a way to occupy one’s time, and a forum to satisfy achievement needs. The answer to the question of why work is worthwhile goes far beyond these reasons. Instead, we should anticipate that the best work experiences add value to people’s lives and are an important part of their personal and communitarian flourishing. Ideally, work also is enjoyable, provides a desirable sense of challenge, and both cultivates and makes use of people’s strengths. At its best, work also contributes to the health and equity of organisations, communities and societies.” They have developed a Work and Meaning Inventory which calculates how much meaning you find at work. 
    
They propose three elements to meaning: 

Positive Meaning: The degree to which people find their work to hold personal meaning, significance, or purpose.The scale dives into how meaningful you find your career and how much you think work contributes to your life’s meaning and if it has a satisfying purpose.
    
The Meaning-Making through Work: Reflects how work is often a source of broader meaning in life for people, helping them make sense of their day-to-day experiences. It delves into how you view work as contributing to your personal growth and if it helps you understand yourself and the world around you. 

The Greater Good Motivation Scale: How people see that their effort at work makes a positive contribution and benefits others or society. It asks you about how you think you make a difference to the world around you. 

Don't aim at success - the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue... as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a course greater than oneself. – Viktor Frankl
    
Why does meaning make commercial sense? 
In their research, they found meaningful work is a better predictor of absenteeism. If you think you make an impact on the life of your colleagues and maybe make an impact on work, there is a better chance of you showing up at work, both physically and mentally. Meaningful work is also a better prediction of job satisfaction and even what they call psychological distress. It can predict if you want to leave your organisation or will want to stay longer. In addition, meaningful work is a better predictor of absenteeism from work than job satisfaction. It is driven by your perceptions of the meaning and values of the organisation and the leadership that guides you through every moment at work. Therefore, the most skillful of heart surgeons may have high or low meaning at work. The most seemingly mundane tasks of janitors and security staff may bring high meaning to the people who perform the tasks. 

Does meaningfulness impact your longevity? 
People who have a higher meaning in life, have a 57% lesser hazard of dying early than those who have no meaning in life. People show higher religiosity, life satisfaction and even health and happiness. 

Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us, unplayed. — Oliver Wendell Holmes

Finally, if you are asking the question, is there a North Star for me? I want to leave this thought for you. 

According to Worldometers, the world's population as of Sunday June 14, 10:50 am was 7,321,690,696. In this year, there were 62 million births and 25 million deaths so the population grew by 37 million. 

There is no one singular North Star in the sky. There are 7.3 billion North Stars or Dhruvs out there; waiting to guide each one of us, in our personal journeys, into our own legacies. Just in 2015, 62 million new North Stars popped up in the celestial skies of peoples minds. Just this year, 25 million North Stars went into oblivion. 

Billion of North Stars will remain shining, long after they are gone. There is a very interesting Wikipedia page, which tracks every celebrity death. Richie Benaud came up in April 2015. The North Star of the silver-haired legend will grow. These are North Stars that will continue to shine for millions, long after their original traveller has gone by. 

How did these North Stars come to be? The beauty is that North Stars never fade away or die. They break up and merge with other stars. If you recently lost a dear one, well, that person’s North Star will remain a guiding light for you. Maybe your North Star might absorb some of the person’s brilliance and energy. Just like you absorbed the light and energy from other stars in your orbit, your North Star will pass on a legacy, with a very special flavour or a hue or a colour or luminosity. 

Our North Star is a combination of the contribution of the stars that came before us. Through our everyday contributions, our North Star will become the guiding light for someone else. For me, it is simply comforting for me to know that there is a North Star called “Birender” out there, being my guiding light. A star, which is distinct from the other 7.3 billion North Stars, designed only for me. It is my very own exclusive North Star. It is as shiny as Shah Rukh Khan’s North Star. 

In earlier columns I asked questions like;
1) What are you looking forward to in the next few weeks?
2) How are the challenges that you faced last week, a part of a higher scheme of things?
3) How have your actions impacted someone else? Where have you picked up a habit? 
4) Do you have to believe every single thought and emotion that comes to your mind?

Now I leave you with a question, 

5) How can you make life meaningful for someone? 

I recommend that the Statue of Liberty be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast. Viktor E. Frankl

The author is founder of The Positivity Company. This is part of a series called 'Positive Mondays', which describes how positivity has a multiplicative effect, simultaneously impacting all work and life outcomes.