Harsh behaviour often comes under the purview of bullying

Recently my 13-year-old mentioned to me how she has been harassed online because of her Instagram pictures. She was crying and felt that she had been body shamed by these absolute strangers who were passing insensitive, obscene comments. How do you suggest we deal with the matter?

I think the first step is to address your daughter’s emotions, since such an incident can be extremely traumatic for a teenager. Just like Facebook, even on Instagram, the age limit is only 13 years, and hence children of your daughter’s age can post pictures.

My concern is that her self-esteem, body image may be deeply impacted by some of the rude, insensitive comments. Discuss with her about the feelings that these comments have triggered. Body shaming often creates a feeling of inadequacy, being not good enough and even embarrassment. Instead of asking, listen to her feelings, thoughts and fears that such an incident has triggered.

Based on how she is coping and your own ability to manage your own emotions, choose if you would need to meet a psychologist who can work with you as a family. Such harsh behaviour often comes under the purview of harassment/ bullying. Having said that, it might be important to train your daughter about the Internet etiquette.

As a first step, it makes sense to make the account private so that her pictures can be accessed only by people who she approves as her followers. Talk to her about the pitfalls of adding strangers, allowing them access to pictures and also the fact that you can never be sure of people’s identity online.

Also Instagram clearly has a policy where you can report abuse and also block users. In my opinion what is most important is to not let this become a scar in the context of her self-esteem, have greater conversations about body positivity. Most importantly don’t blame her for her actions, she is a teenager still trying to understand the online world.

Do you think seeking therapy is a good idea even when I’m not depressed and want to just learn how to manage my moods as a 15-year-old boy?

To begin with, I love this question. The answer is yes, absolutely. The purpose of therapy is not just to help people deal with mental health conditions, but to improve quality of life and functionality.

So if you find yourself struggling with mood swings, it would be good to work with a psychologist who can teach you techniques to regulate your moods, and explore if there are any issues/ past baggage that may be triggering it. Since you are a minor, you would have to go ahead with counseling with the approval of your parents.

Sonali Gupta is a clinical psychologist with 12 years of experience. She works with children, parents and young adults to enhance their emotional and social well-being.

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