When time stops for teens

What are the most alarming words that you hear everyday?

For me, the answer to that question is easy. The scariest, most teeth-gritting words are, “One sec.”

Don’t be fooled by their apparent innocence. These words are capable of striking terror in the biggest of hearts, especially if that heart belongs to the parent of a teenager.

After all, teenagers love to procrastinate. They are famous for it.

They invariably start the long process of getting dressed when they should already be in the car, whizzing past the Air India building. They always remember vital, graded homework while brushing their teeth just before bedtime. They usually sit down to do holiday homework at 7 pm on the last day of their six-week vacation. And whenever they’re harangued by worried parents, they respond with a bored, “In a few minutes.”

Or in our case an irritable, “One secccc.”

This is how the scenario usually plays out at our house. Aaliya has come home from school with a stack of homework. She needs to shower, to study for a science test, to practice violin and piano, and write a debate speech. In short, she needs to move.

Instead, she’s lounging against some cushions in a grimy school uniform, reading a library book. The first few attempts to get her attention are met with a blank stare. Then finally, when she understands what I want, she mutters those dreaded words, “One sec.”

I should be pleased. A delay of one second I can live with. Except that the “one sec” of the typical teenager has nothing to do with the “one second” of the clock-watching adult.

It certainly isn’t 1/60th of a minute. On a good day it could mean 5 minutes. On an average day, it could mean 50 minutes. And on a bad day, well, it could mean “never”. It’s basically another way of saying, “Not now. Maybe at some point in the foreseeable future.”

Or so I thought till I had a chat with Aaliya.

“What does one sec really mean?” I asked Aaliya on a weekend morning.

“Oh,” she replied airily. “In my head, one second really means five minutes. So when I say ‘two secs’, I mean 10 minutes.”

“And when you say one minute?” I splutter.

“I guess I mean a few hours. You do the calculations.”

By now, I’m bubbling with a toxic green mix of indignation and bewilderment. “Hold on,” I squawk. “You often say one sec and then waste an hour. And then we have to risk losing our lives and denting the car to get to class on time. How can you pretend that you ever put your book down in five minutes?”

“I always mean to,” Aaliya assures me. “But then something happens in my book and I lose track of time. Or I urgently need to check something on my phone. It’s natural.”

I’m about to retort that it’s certainly not natural, when I recall all the articles I’ve read recently. Over the last couple of years, the teenage brain has become a hot research topic — and overnight, teenagers are being viewed in a new light. No longer are they seen as a sloppy, obdurate bunch of kids in unwashed grey t-shirts. Instead, they are being depicted as victims of biology.

New research indicates that the teen years are a time when numerous parts of the brain are developing — especially the prefrontal cortex that is the seat of willpower, organisation and planning. Which is why teenagers are impulsive and unwilling to plan.

This is useful information, of course. Now when I hassle and nag Aaliya, I’ll keep in mind that the fault lies with her prefrontal cortex. But what’s the solution? How do we get that science and violin done?

The experts have a glib solution. It’s the role of parents to help teenagers overcome their natural tendency towards procrastination. Help them set small goals. Help them tackle one task at a time. Help them make a plan.

Just looking at this advice, I feel overwhelmed. I’ll definitely follow it. But may I please put it off till tomorrow?

Have something to say? Write to dnaofteens@gmail.com, rama.ramanan@dnaindia.net