Dawood, Hafiz to stay naked for the rest of their lives

Dawood Ibrahim and Hafiz Saeed, two men involved in terror activities in India and currently living in Pakistan, have decided to become practicing nudists for the rest of their lives. This after a White House counter-terrorism official said that the only way Osama could have been captured alive was if he were stark naked, thus assuring the US Navy Seals that he was unarmed and didn’t possess any threat whatsoever.

“Although he doesn’t fear any military offensive operation by India on Pakistani soil, Saeed Sir is a bit worried over the wayward ways US has adopted recently after it dishonestly killed Osama,” informed Manzoor, a spokesman of the Jama’at-ud-Da’wah, the organisation Hafiz Saeed heads, and which is widely believed to be a front for Lashkar-e-Taiba, the terror group that carried the 26/11 attacks in Mumbai.

Both Hafiz and Dawood have been reported to be in a state of shock and disbelief after Osama was killed early this week. Although neither of them features in the FBI’s most wanted list, they don’t rule out being targeted by the US security forces.

“At least four Americans had died in the Mumbai terror attacks, and that could be a good enough reason for US to target Saeed without sending any dossiers or warnings like India,” Manzoor further explained, “Right from Pearl Harbor to 9/11, US has always believed in giving it back with greater ferocity. Basic mathematics reveals that 120 non-American lives could be targeted to avenge 4 American deaths. “We don’t want to take any chances,” he added.
Similar statements were issued by representatives of D-Company, the organisation Dawood Ibrahim heads. Dawood has been declared a “global terrorist” by the USA, but is not yet on the FBI’s most wanted list.

But experts point out that the going could be tough for both the terrorists as moving around naked in Pakistan is not a socially acceptable practice yet.

“While a woman is supposed to cover her whole body, that doesn’t mean a man can move around naked,” explained a local maulvi in Karachi, who had solemnised the marriage between Dawood Ibrahim’s daughter and former cricketer Javed Miandad’s son. Sources inform that Dawood and Hafiz are trying to get a fatwa from like-minded religious organisations, which would exempt them from this rule and allow them to move around naked, as it’s critical for their survival and safety. Other solutions are also being offered.

One technological solution being offered involves all the guests and colleagues of Hafiz and Dawood wearing bifocal lens spectacles that would blur the view below the waist of a standing person. People would be asked and warned not to lower their heads and mediamen to do the same with their cameras.

“Why take so much of trouble. If they want to be alive, they should surrender and come to India,” suggested Abu Salem, former aide of Dawood Ibrahim, currently living in an Indian jail.

Rahul Roushan thinks he can make some sense through nonsense. He attempts the same through his news satire website www.fakingnews.com