Invest in your child's future

A lot of marital distress can be attributed to one's childhood. It may sound a little out of sync in terms of its relevance, but it very much has a major role to play in one's relationships. Values inculcated or not inculcated in the childhood get reflected in the future relationships. Bringing up patterns are always different but when the differences are drastic, it can become daunting for couples to function with these differences.

A couple's pattern of bringing up a child would generally depend on the way they have been brought up. Exceptions of parents adopting a different parental approach compared to their own always exist but all in all, their style of being brought up reflects in the upbringing of their child. For example, a partner brought up in a social family with frequent and regular interactions with family and friends, would have a similar socializing system ingrained in them, vis a vis a partner from not a very social household would find socializing taxing. Such variances can disrupt the family equilibrium.

A parent who went to a boarding school would probably want his/her child to go to one, while the other parent who never went to a boarding school wouldn't want his/her child to be away from home. A person from a close-knit family would want very close ties with his/her family. Whereas a person not too close with his/her family would have problems relating to a partner sharing close ties with the family. Not being on the same page with one's partner can take a heavy toll on the couple's mental set up, their child and the marriage. There is no right, or wrong here but mere differences cause friction. Conflict resolution techniques ranging from throwing a fit, to being composed, to defence mechanisms like contempt, criticism and sulking to accepting a fault with no hang-ups are imbibed genetically and through the environment a child is brought up in. Differences in these create severe disharmony. Unfortunately, couples when seeking an alliance overlook these and end up being miserable in the long run.

A pleasant family always has pleasant children making pleasant families themselves. My humble request to parents – if you can try to secure you child's future with the right financial investments, why not make their future pleasant by investing a lot of love, values and harmony in your family?

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively 
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com