A support group for senior gay men helps them with their daily lives

It's comical how Ashok Row Kavi, who founded Seenagars Gupshup Group (SGG), a support group for gay, bisexual and asexual men above 50, is worried about the fast-increasing member count that's hit 50 since he formed it last July. "More men from Indore and Jaipur have 'threatened' to attend the meets, but where's the space?" asks Kavi, hoping someone volunteers to lend them a small hall, instead of the garrage and terrace spaces they are used to. Still, for today's meet at Khar (https://www.facebook.com/seenagersgupshupgroup/) that will review their 18 months of staying afloat and look at ways to improve their outreach efforts, they've found a spot.

Kavi, an LGBTQ+ activist and founder of India's first queer support group, The Humsafar Trust, says this jostle to gain a toehold in Seenagers is because it's the only one of its kind that ensures old, gay men pull up their socks and get rid of the lax attitude towards saving. "Nearly all gay men are like adolescents, who want to party 24/7, and don't save up," grumbles Kavi.

So he keeps inviting financial experts to hand-hold senior gay members at Seenagers. In one session uploaded online, there's an expert cautioning how majority people's calculations' of their monthly expenses is off the yorker by 15-20 per cent. They estimate their life-expectancy to be just 60 years. A scary proposition given that people can survive till 85-90. That means not financially accounting about 30 years! Additionally, the expert cautions them to be mindful of lifestyle inflation like frivolous grooming costs, opt for financial schemes with increased interest rates and a good medical insurance. "I've also discussed why and how to draw a living will, and the points it must include," says Kavi.

Apart the retirement prep-up, experts held sessions on combating depression and loneliness. Under societal pressure several of the members had married women, only to call it quits in 4-5 years. "They realised one can't stop being gay. They became silver and sugar daddies, and boyfriends, but monogamy is not easy in this community as there's no legitimacy to such relationships in India as yet. Now, at the zenith of their careers, after their wives have moved on and parents are no more, these men find themselves alone."

Kavi began Seenagers by taking a leaf out of his own life experiences. In a Facebook video, he shares how anxiety creeps in when there's no one to talk to or no urge to party every day.

Kavi devised one solution to help the older men tide over loneliness is by creating a buddy system that enlists young gay volunteers to help out in buying groceries and utitlites, or just checking up with a phone call. "We just sent a car over to a senior member to ensure he kept his doctor's appointment."

While the issues addressed are heavy-duty, the execution is casual. For one meet, Kavi invited a gay couple to share the secrets to their happy marriage of 37 years to an eager younger audience. For Pride March 2019, the plan is to have a stand-up comedian interview them on the perils and fun of ageing beyond 50.

But right now the desperate hunt is on to rent a meeting space beyond the eyes of judgement.

To know more about SGG, mail Kavi at mumbai.seenagers@gmail.com