Celebrity Column | Shirishly Speaking: Shirish Kunder turns agony uncle and answers your queries

Dear Shirish,

I am an ex-Insan. I have always been a devout follower of Saint Dr Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insan. But like the other Dera followers, I am not a blind bhakt. The court judgment against pitaji has opened my eyes. Subsequently, I started reading up on all the other charges against him, and I am now completely disillusioned. I am no longer an Insan, his follower. My dilemma is that pitaji had once gifted me a jacket of his. Up until now, it was my most prized possession. But now, it holds no value for me, as it reminds me of all his evil deeds. So I don’t want to keep it with me anymore. What should I do with it? I do not want to throw it. Where can it be useful?— Ex-Insan

Dear Ex-Insan,
Donate it to the circus.

Same-sex marriage

Dear Shirish,
I’m a gay man. Now that ‘Right to Privacy’ is recognised as a fundamental right, do you think same-sex marriage will be legalised? I’ve waited long for this; can’t wait anymore to marry my partner. How long do you think it will take for same-sex marriage to be legalised? And do you support it?
— Aki

Dear Aki,
It may still take some time, but I’m optimistic that ‘Right to Privacy’ will open the doors for the legalising of same-sex marriage. As for my support, I’m all for same-sex marriage, as long as they don’t make it compulsory.

Why doesn’t Bappa answer our prayers?
Dear Shirish,
I am a big worshipper of Bappa, and every year, on Ganesh Chaturthi, I ask for one wish from him. But so far, he hasn’t fulfilled any of my wishes. This year, again, I’ve prayed for a wish. And this time, it is a matter of life and death for me. Why doesn’t Bappa ever answer my prayers? Will he fulfil my wishes this time?
— Mangesh

Dear Mangesh,
Can’t blame Bappa. We blare item songs so loudly over the loudspeakers, that our silent prayers may be getting drowned in all the cacophony, and never reach Bappa. In fact, I fear Bappa may consider the lyrics of item songs as our prayers and fulfil them. As a result, you may have noticed that every year, more and more DJ Waale Babus are playing our songs. The only way to make him hear our prayers might be to yell it louder than those songs over the loudspeaker.

Alternative career for a magician
Dear Shirish,
I am a magician. My father was also a magician. I started assisting him from a very young age, learnt on the job, and after his retirement, took over his business. But of late, business has been bad. I have been told that since businesses and employment are at an all time low, people are depressed, and have no money to spend on entertainment. But magic is the only thing I know, and I need to feed my family. What other job/business can I do with my skill?
— Magician

Dear Magician,
Become a Godman. Right now, there are some vacancies outside jail. And magic is exactly what their idiot followers expect. Moreover, the timing is also perfect. Business in this profession is best when people are depressed.