SHIRISHLY SPEAKING: Shirish Kunder is the agony uncle you never saw coming!

Dear Shirish,

My friends tell me that the average frequency of sex for couples who have been married for long is about eight times a month. That hasn’t been happening with me and my life. How many times a month do you feel is ideal? I am beginning to feel inadequate. P Kanwal

Dear P Kanwal,

After reading your friends’ strike rate, even I am beginning to feel inadequate. You must stop being friends with Superheroes, and make friends with normal people. You will feel adequate.

Dear Shirish,

My boyfriend is currently in the UK where he works. During this time, I made out with his best friend, but we didn’t go all the way. Should I tell my boyfriend the truth over the phone or wait for him to return? Rakhi

Dear Rakhi,

Over the phone is better. That way, he won’t be able to slap you.

Dear Shirish,

I am a 19-year-old guy. My mother doesn’t understand the concept of giving someone space. She goes through my pockets and my wardrobe. I don’t keep anything under lock and key. She even goes through my phone, I don’t know how to tell her to not meddle in my affairs. What do you think is the solution? P Vig

Dear P Vig,

Get used to it. Today it’s your mother, tomorrow it will be your wife. If you tell them not to, or lock your stuff, they will suspect even more. Thanks to our ancestors, no one trusts us men anymore. The only solution is to marry a woman who has secrets of her own. Since she won’t want you to check her stuff, she won’t check yours.

Dear Shirish,

My ma-in-law is a shopaholic. She can’t seem to stop herself. She recently had an accident and broke her hip and is bedridden. She was depressed and so my husband suggested I cheer her up by showing her how to shop online. I showed it to her on my iPad and put my credit card details in. Now she is running up crazy amount of bills. She is ordering everything from crockery  to jewellery and clothes to cosmetics. I don’t know how to tell her to stop. Any suggestions? Miss Congeniality

Dear Miss Congeniality,

So you’re the one! A bedridden woman had written to me on Facebook that her daughter-in-law had pushed her and made it look like an accident, to stop her from shopping. I had only given her this plan of online shopping to make you pay for it. Since I’m already representing your ma-in-law. Sorry, I can’t accept your case.

Write to him at shirish.kunder@dnaindia.net