The chronicles of a tired writer, writing in a digital age

Little by little I discover in myself the pain in finding nothing.
—Fernando Pessoa

My pen seems to be tired and has lost its fair youth. Sometimes, when an editor is waiting for an article that should have been sent to them the earlier day, I often wonder what would make a good subject for writing in this whole wide world. The joy of writing for a living is that you get to do it all the time. The misery is that you have to, whether you’re in the mood or not. 

Whether you are writing a novel or a poem, you often are assaulted by self-doubt that language has an insidious way of using us rather than the other way round. The act of writing is largely fraught with anguish of never being able to capture things right, the feeling that one will always fail and the hope to only “fail better”, as Beckett once said. I am really not an over-analysing writer, but there are days when I feel I don’t write well or even lose faith in my own writing. On such days, I try to take a robust view and believe it is best to give it some time or even write less.

The world has changed and more so for the writers of this world. The universe of writing is noisy and chaotic. Every hour, there are millions of posts and social media updates. Every minute of our lives is a documented travesty of an ever-burgeoning feed — whether on Instagram, Facebook or in more restrictive space, Twitter and a score more I am not even aware of. There are thousands of books, podcasts and films to choose from that double up at the click of the refresh button every time. So it seems a writer (who is also a reader) is consumed by the problem of plenty that is also the hallmark of our century.

The flip side to this situation is that creativity is on the ascent. More people than ever are beginning to express themselves and the writing spaces have been largely democratised. So many people I know have blogs or want to write books and the ease of self-publishing makes it easier these days. There are writing sites with templates that take writers through a guided plan of how to accomplish their writing goals in a structured manner. There is a word renaissance of sorts, but also an inescapable word clutter. 

In the pre-internet days, I was a more driven writer, in a way more at peace with my own writing. I would be less compelled to write and on an average, I would write a journal entry or an occasional poem, a wayward essay rarely, but would be happy with what I wrote. But, now having become accustomed to the virtual spaces, there is a strange compulsion — to just be visible in some way, and this has made me more anxious in my writing too. I write more, but also suffer more blocks. The digital age is a two-pronged challenge — while it promotes creativity and self-expression, it also tends to inundate us in its painful plenitude. We might become lost in a plethora of tasks that might not even matter in our journeys as writers of merit. For instance, this summer, I found myself working on five different creative projects — a poetry anthology, an editing assignment, my own poetry manuscript, my monthly column and some solicited book reviews. Besides, I found myself constantly posting on social media spaces, websites and making entries in journals. Also, the compulsion to click on random links to listen to varying podcasts and documentaries added to the whole conundrum. In gist, I felt like a failure if I was not doing enough.

Obviously, something was wrong somewhere. On thinking and after a bout of introspection, I realised I was over-stretching and also over-committing. These are the symptoms of the times. Was I ‘hoarding’ writing projects and virtual time the way one hoards wealth and objects? I was putting my mind through a lot of anxiety by cluttering it and needed to loosen up. This was an epiphany and I experienced tremendous relief after this chance conclusion. 

I now got down to my solution. I put some my assignments aside and focused on what mattered most to me — my poetry writing and an occasional journal post. The social media time was strictly rationed and the good thing was I felt so much better for the whole change. The gnawing feeling of loss and distraction was gone.

It felt really good to commit to one genre and make it my forte again. Lightly marking this boundary has had an enormously positive effect. I have clarity now, and for the first time in a long while, energy. I view writing as a source of pleasure. This doesn’t mean it isn’t work. It is, but it’s more manageable work, and because I’m not trying to do too much, I have an appetite for writing. I work on poetry, and when the feeling strikes, on short prose pieces. I’m still engaged on social media, but more mindfully. I no longer feel overwhelmed like I did just a few months ago. I am more dedicated to my writing, but I can also be more leisurely with it.

We live in a digital age, not a digital mind. It’s good to focus on one thing you are passionate about — respect it, cherish it and nurture it. And in due course, you will see, your writing will also nurture you.

The author is a poet, editor and a translator